At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old hockey players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded in the affirmative. "Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes. "So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when a penalty is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-head." Do you understand all that?" Again the little boy nodded. He continued, "And when I call you off the ice so that another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach 'a dumb a--hole', is it?" Again the little boy nodded. "Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your mother."

An old football player was dying. So he called his wife and told her: "My dearest you see I'm dying. I must confess. I cheated on you twice throughout our marriage. Please forgive me." His wife says: "I forgive you my love. But I have to confess, I too have cheated on you, 3 times." "Three you say?" Said the husband, feeling like she cheated a bit more than him. "Who were they?" "Well," said his wife sweetly. "Do you remember it was so difficult to admit you as a football player in the team? So I went to the couch and did something. That was the cause for you to be a player in the team." Her husband was alarmed but he was thankful she did it for him. "Who else?" "Well, do you remember when you entered the team no body didn't pass you? I went to 10 others players so they changed a friendly treatment during half times." "You did WHAT?!" He spluttered. She continue, "And do you remember during matching nobody in town encouraged you? Well.."

Three NHL coaches are waiting outside the delivery unit as their wives are all in labor. After many hours, a nurse comes out to see the first coach. "Your wife just finished giving birth! Both she and the baby are fine! A healthy baby boy!" the nurse said. "But... I've never seen a baby like yours..." "What do you mean?" the coach asked. "Well," the nurse replied, "your son growled and clawed at us like a... like a wild cat..." When the coach heard this, they chuckled before replying, "Well, that makes sense! After all, I work for the Florida Panthers!" The husband then follows the nurse to see their wife and son, and after a while they come out to see the second coach. "I'm so happy to tell you that your wife had a beautiful daughter! Yet her behavior is also... very peculiar..." "How so?" the coach asked. "Well, you see," the nurse became hesitant to reply, "they started... quacking... almost like they were-" "A duck?" the coach interrupted. "Well... Yes..." the nurse confirmed. The coach could only laugh in response. "Well what do you know?!" they beamed. "She really is the daughter of the coach of the Anaheim Ducks!" But while the second coach was gleeful, the third coach was white in the face, and immediately began to rush out of the delivery unit. "Where you do think you're going?" the nurse asked. "To call an exorcist!" the third coach yelled out. "I'm the coach of the New Jersey Devils!"

A football coach noticed that his star tackle, Bubba, had so many women hanging around that he couldn’t possibly handle all of them. So one day he asked, "Bubba, just what the hell is your secret?" Bubba replies, "Well Coach, whenever I’m about to make love to a woman, I always whip it out and bang it on the dresser like a hammer. This numbs it and I can make love all night!" The coach went home early one day, and went to the bedroom. He heard his wife in the shower. Seeing a window of opportunity, he took off his clothes and started banging his manhood on the dresser. His wife stuck her head out of the shower and asked, "Bubba? Is that you?"