Potatoes

Why did the kraken eat 5 ships that were carrying potatoes?
Because nobody can eat just one potato ship.
You’re just like how I like my potatoes — sweet.
Blonde, Brunette & Redhead Escape From Prison
Blonde, Brunette & Redhead Escape From Prison One night there were three female fugitives escaping from jail. One was blonde, one was brunette and the other was a redhead. They had the police hot on their trail and, quickly thinking the brunette points out an old, abandoned factory perfect for hiding in. When all three were inside the redhead, quickly thinking said they should all hide in old potato sacks in the corner as they could hear the police approaching the factory. They all got in their little potato sacks and barely a minute later the police came crashing through the door. They looked at the sacks and said: 'Hmm maybe they are hiding in these.' The officer kicks the red-head's sack and she makes whimpering noises. 'Hmm just puppies in that sack' The officer kicks the brunette's sack and she makes mewing noises. 'Hmm just kittens in that sack' He says. He finally kicks the blonde's sack and she screams: 'POTATOES! POTATOES!'
Young Micharlangelo Matos
Has relations with unripe tomatoes.
Grinning, he flirts
"Sure the insertion hurts
But they're cleaner than uncooked potatoes."
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
If you are preparing jacket potatoes, your choice vegetables should be button mushrooms.
The Way it Used to Be
The Way it Used to Be A boy returns home from running an errand for his quarantined grandfather. He says, "Grandpa, I got all the groceries you wanted! All together, it came to $47.22. Here's your change." Grandpa says, "My goodness, the world is expensive nowadays. When I was a boy your age, I could get five pounds of potatoes, three loaves of bread, two pounds of beef, a jug of milk, a tin of tobacco for my dad, and a handful of my favorite candies, all for about five cents. "Can't do that today, though. No siree Bob!" "Why is that, grandpa?" asks the boy. "Too many bloody cameras."
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?
Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.
I was cooking Thanksgiving dinner, and my wife said, “These potatoes are burnt to a crisp!”
I said, “It’s for tomorrow.”

Her: Huh?

Me: Tomorrow is Black Fry day.
Are you enjoying your sweet potatoes this Thanksgiving?
I know I yam!
The Blond Bank Robber and the Three Stalls
The Blond Bank Robber and the Three Stalls Three bank robbers: a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde. Are trying to evade the police when they come across a farm. Being short on time and options, they all decide to hide in the barn. The redhead hides near the horses, the brunette hides near the cows and the blonde hides in a pile of potatoes. When the police come to search the barn, first they come to the horse stables. The redhead lets out a hefty "neeeyyyy", the cops are convinced that the horses are indeed alone, and the redhead escapes. The police then search the cow pens. The brunette saw what the first robber had done, and belts out a deep "mooooo". The cops are again convinced and the brunette is able to escape. The police finally turn to the stall where the Blond has hidden. The blond, seeing how easily the other two had gotten away, decides to use the same method. So as the police officers came close they suddenly hear: "Potato!"
This weekend, I will watch a new Irish movie based on a marathon runner who only ate potatoes. It is called Starch Trek.
Irish potatoes are spud-tacular.
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?

Groovy.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
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