Bag Jokes

I lost my daughter’s cosmetics bag...
I wonder how I’ll make up for this mistake.
It's Taco Night, so on my way home, I grabbed a bag of shredded cheese at the store, queso we needed some more.

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Why wasn't the bag boy allowed to work at the juice bar?
Because baggers cant be juicers.
Are you backpacker? ‘Cause you got this whole “being attractive” thing in the bag.
“All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.”
― Unknown
I was waiting at the airport baggage carousel, and noticed that everyone else had a better bag than me.
It was ....the worst case scenario.
Do you have a tea bag in your pocket because I can see me in your pants.
Is that my golf bag in your pants? Because I just finished a long drive, and I'd like to put my wood in it.
As the plumber left my house I saw something fall out of his back packet. I walked over and saw that it was a bag of drugs.
But I didn’t bend down to get it, because I didn’t want plumber’s crack.
The KGB Way An archeology team was having trouble determining the age of human remains that they found deep in a cave, so they called in the best forensics teams from the CIA, MI6 and KGB. The MI6 team goes in first with all their equipment and comes out about 4 hours later. "As far as we can determine, the remains are about 600,000 years old." Not to be outdone by the MI6, the CIA goes in and comes out about 8 hours later. "The remains are approximately 615,550 years old. This is what we have been able to determine with our superior forensics technology." Before the CIA is even done giving their report, the 2 man KGB team is already making their way towards the cave with nothing but a gym bag one of them is holding. They enter the cave and make their way towards the remains. Soon after, sounds of shouting, swearing and banging start coming out of the cave and they don't let up for 2 whole days. When the KGB forensics team finally leaves the cave, they are dirty and disheveled, their clothes ripped and their tools are damaged. "So, the remains are 623,118 years, 3 months, 2 weeks and 6 days old." Amazed and dumbfounded, the archeologists and other forensics teams ask how they could possible determine the age of the remains to such an exact date. The KGB agents look knowingly at each other and one of them says: "He confessed."
A Very Clever Dog As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees a $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "5 lamb chops, please." Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck. As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After a while, he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" bell, then the butcher follows him off. The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the step. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and shouting at the dog. The butcher runs up and screams at the guy: "What the hell are you doing? This dog's a genius!" "Genius, my butt - It's the second time this week he's forgotten his keys!"
The Blonde and Her Melons This blonde was walking down a road carrying a bag, when a guy came along. The guy asks, "What are you carrying?" "Melons," the blonde replies. "Cool," the guy says."If I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?" The blonde giggles and says, "If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them!"
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
My bag of fruit snacks had all grapes
Today’s gonna be a grape day!
You can have that last bag of chips if I can bag your number.
I forgot my reusable bag, can I borrow one of yours?
Baby, you better get out of that express lane, 'cause you're all that *and* a bag of chips.
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
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