Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.
My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!
What makes music on your head?
A headband.
Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.
What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.
How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
She broke the record.
What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.
A while ago, my friend told me not to listen to loud music.
I haven’t heard from that guy since.
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
What do you get when you squish an army?
A flat major.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.
Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”
How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!
How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.
What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.
Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.
What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.
Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.
A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."
What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.
What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!
Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.
What do you call a set of musical dentures?
Falsetto teeth.
What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.
What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.
Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.
What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoontite.
Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.
Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.
Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.
What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”
What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.
Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.
What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.
What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”
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