What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”
What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
She broke the record.
Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.
What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.
Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.
How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.
What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!
How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"
How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.
What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.
What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.
What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.
What do you get when you play country music backward?
You get your wife back, your dog back, and your job back.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.
What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.
Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”
What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”
Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Britney Spears.
- Britney Spears who?
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Oops! I did it again!
What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.
- Knock, knock!
- Who's there?
- Turnip.
- Turnip who?
- Turnip the volume, this is my all-time favorite song!
Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.
How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!
Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.
What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.
Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.
What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoontite.
Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
What has a neck but no head?
A bass.
What do you get when you squish an army?
A flat major.
Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
“Sorry,” the bartender says. “We don’t serve minors.”
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