What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.
What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.
What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
“Sorry,” the bartender says. “We don’t serve minors.”
Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.
What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.
Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.
Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.
What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.
How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!
What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.
I have a musician friend who is always upbeat. When she developed ringing in one ear, I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician. She shook her head. “Not really,” she replied cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”
What has a neck but no head?
A bass.
Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.
Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.
What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!
There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.
I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.
What do you call a set of musical dentures?
Falsetto teeth.
What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.
What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!
What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.
Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.
What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”
A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."
How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.
Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.
What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.
What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Britney Spears.
- Britney Spears who?
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Oops! I did it again!
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
What do you call a musician with problems?
A trebled man.
Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.
What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".
What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!
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