Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.

- Knock, knock!
- Who's there?
- Turnip.
- Turnip who?
- Turnip the volume, this is my all-time favorite song!

What do you say to the musician playing the triangle in the orchestra?
Thank you for every ting.

What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoontite.

Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.

Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.

How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".

Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.

What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.

What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.

A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."

Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.

What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”

Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.

Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.

What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.

- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Britney Spears.
- Britney Spears who?
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Oops! I did it again!

Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.

What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.

What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.

How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.

I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.

Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
She broke the record.

The Mozart Effect: Makes a child smarter and more mathematical along with a higher IQ
The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility.
The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech.
The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior.
The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist.
The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important
The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity.
The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore.
The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.
The

How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!

What do you get when you squish an army?
A flat major.

What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.

How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.

What has a neck but no head?
A bass.

What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.

Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.

I have a musician friend who is always upbeat. When she developed ringing in one ear, I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician. She shook her head. “Not really,” she replied cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”

What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.

What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.

Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.

A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”

Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.

Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.

What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.

Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.

What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.

Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.

What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.

What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.

Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!

How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.

Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.

Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.