What is a robot’s favorite kind of music?
Heavy metal.

What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote too many Linkin Park songs.
But "in the end, it doesn't even matter".

A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”

What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!

What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.

Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.

What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!

What do you call a set of musical dentures?
Falsetto teeth.

Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.

What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.

What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.

What types of songs do planets sing?
Nep-tunes.

What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

Some might say the violinists in an orchestra don’t do much.
They just fiddle around.

What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.

How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.

The Mozart Effect: Makes a child smarter and more mathematical along with a higher IQ
The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable humility.
The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day; may overwhelm listeners with his speech.
The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may exhibit dramatic behavior.
The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to violent tantrums; is a perfectionist.
The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important
The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity.
The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward Norwegian folklore.
The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.
The

My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!

How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.

What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”

Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.

What’s the slang term for a harpsichord?
A Baroque man’s piano.

How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Twelve - one to do it, and eleven to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"

What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.

Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.

What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.

What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.

Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.

How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.

What makes music on your head?
A headband.

A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."

Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.

How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.

- Knock, knock!
- Who's there?
- Turnip.
- Turnip who?
- Turnip the volume, this is my all-time favorite song!

What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.

There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.

I have a musician friend who is always upbeat. When she developed ringing in one ear, I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician. She shook her head. “Not really,” she replied cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”

- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Britney Spears.
- Britney Spears who?
- Knock knock!
- Who's there?
- Oops! I did it again!

Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
“Sorry,” the bartender says. “We don’t serve minors.”

I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.

What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.

How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.

Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.

A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."

What has a neck but no head?
A bass.

What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!

Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.

Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.

Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.