Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.
There are so many jokes about a certain composer…
I could make you a Liszt.
What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.
How many Folk Singers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it and 5 to sing about how good the old one was.
How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.
What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.
Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.
Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.
What do you call clean music?
A soap opera!
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
What’s the difference between a conductor and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a conductor.
Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.
What’s the best Christmas present in the whole world?
A broken drum—you can’t beat it!
What do you call a set of musical dentures?
Falsetto teeth.
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.
What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
About three decibels.
I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
She broke the record.
Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”
How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.
- Knock, knock!
- Who's there?
- Turnip.
- Turnip who?
- Turnip the volume, this is my all-time favorite song!
Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.
What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.
Middle C, E flat, and G walk into a bar.
“Sorry,” the bartender says. “We don’t serve minors.”
Why do bagpipe players walk when they play?
To get away from the noise.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!
What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
What do a sword and a piano have in common?
They can both B sharp.
What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”
What is another term for trombone?
A wind-driven, manually operated pitch approximator.
What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.
What do you get when you play country music backward?
You get your wife back, your dog back, and your job back.
What’s Giuseppe Verdi’s favorite way to get around the airport?
La Travelator.
A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."
Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.
A sign at a music shop: “Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”
What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
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