How do you scare a man? Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice! How is a man like a used car? Both are easy to get, cheap, and unreliable!
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners? So men can understand them. Why did God create man before woman? Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
What do you call 2 guys fighting over a slut? Tug-of-whore.
What's the difference between men and government bonds? Bonds mature.
Why do men have a hole in their penis? So their brains can get some oxygen now and then.
A woman inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted."
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."
How do men define a "50/50" relationship? We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually SEARCH for a golf ball.
Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
What did the elephant say to the naked man? "How do you breathe through that tiny thing?"
Love is blind.
Marrying a man, on the other hand, is a real eye opener.
How are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, they emit noxious fumes, and half the time they don't work.
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
A man, during his night prays, asks God: "Oh, Lord... Why you’ve made women so beautiful?"
God replies: "So you can love them, my child."
"Fine, but my Lord, why you’ve made them so stupid?"
"So that they can love you back..."
Why did god invent men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn
Why shouldn’t you trust a guy who claims he “wears the pants”?
He probably lies about other stuff too.
Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
Why are men like cars? Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming.
What’s the best way to find a truly committed man?
Visit the closest mental hospital.
Why can't men get mad cow disease? Because they are pigs.
What do you give a man with everything? Penicillin.
Why don't women blink during se*? There isn't enough time.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet? Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
What is the difference between a man and a tree? One is illegal to hit with an ax.
Three words to ruin a man's ego... "Is it in?"
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
What’s the difference between a clitoris and a golf ball?
A man will actually look for a golf ball.
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A hot dog and a six pack of beer.
What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship? Telling you his real name.
How long does it take a man to change the toilet paper? We don't know it's never happened. What's the definition of a woman's perfect lover? A man with a nine inch tongue who can breath through his ears.
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male? All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
What did God say after creating man? I can do so much better.
My husband said to me, "For our anniversary I want to go somewhere I've never been before."
So I said, "Try the kitchen!"
How many men does it take to open a beer? none. the lady should already have it open on the table!
How do you get a man to have the best orgasm possible?
Who cares?
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes.
What do you call a man who cries while he masturbates? A tearjerker.
When will a guy ignore even the hottest girl? Right after he "comes" inside. Why do little boys whine? Because they're practicing to be men.
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I don't know, it's never happened.
Why don't some men have a mid-life crisis? They're stuck in adolescence.
What do you call a man with an opinion? Wrong.
How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer.
What’s the definition of a perpetual bachelor?
A man who’s missed the opportunity to make a woman miserable.
Why does it take a million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They really are too damn proud to stop and ask for directions.
A boy has SWAG.
A man has STYLE.
A gentleman has CLASS.
How come it’s so hard to make a fool out of a man?
Because most of them are the DIY type in that way.
Why doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job? He still ends up with the same boss.
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