It’s so cold I walk to school with a toaster in my pants.
It’s so cold we had to punch a hole in the air just to get outside.
It’s so cold the flames of our fire froze.
It's so cold that people started chipping their teeth on soup!
It’s so cold pickpockets are sticking their hands in strangers’ pockets just to keep them warm.
It's so cold that when cows are milked, ice cream comes out.
It was so cold that I saw a Greyhound bus and the dog was riding on the inside.
It’s so cold that when I needed an anesthetic, the dentist told me to stick my head out the hospital window.
It’s so cold mailmen watch out for both dogs and polar bears.
It's so cold that lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.
It’s so cold that even the polar bears started drinking hot chocolate.
It’s so cold people with spiked hair were being arrested for carrying around a dangerous weapon.
It’s so cold my mail shattered when I tried to open it.
It’s so cold we had to stop eating with metal cutlery. Some people walked around for days with spoons or forks stuck to their tongues!
It’s so cold the aquarium didn’t need to use glass. On the downside, the fish were motionless.
It’s so cold fish were jumping out of the ice holes and straight into the frying pan.
It’s so cold travel agencies are advertising tropical holidays to Alaska.
It’s so cold Levi Strauss started making electric jeans.
It’s so cold every kind of cereal in the cupboard is frosted – including the boxes!
It’s so cold I saw an Amish guy buying an electric blanket.
It’s so cold the police told a robber to freeze, and he really did.
It’s so cold that I’m breathing out snowflakes!
It’s so cold I had to eat ice cream just to warm up.
It’s so cold mum used a saw to serve us milk.
It’s so cold I swapped my pillow for a grill.
It’s so cold kids are using a new excuse to stay up late: “But Mom, my pajamas haven’t thawed out yet!”
It’s so cold I actually enjoyed someone spilling hot coffee in my lap.
It’s so cold refrigerators are redundant.
It’s so cold cops are tasering themselves.
It’s so cold it’s colder than any room packed with ex-wives.
It’s so cold washroom attendants have started putting salt boxes next to the toilets.
It’s so cold we were afraid to spit because it can ricochet.
It’s so cold that bed bugs promised not to bite you as long as they can snuggle in your pajamas.
It’s so cold pet stores sell hamsters, gerbils, and penguins.
It's so cold that the band changed their name to Red Cold Chili Peppers.
It’s so cold a glacier was seen heading slowly down the main street of our town.
It's so cold that you might have to chop up the piano for firewood (although you’ll only get two chords).
It’s so cold my hat wrapped itself in a scarf.
It's so cold that our words froze in midair — we had to put them in a frying pan to thaw them so we could hear what we were talking about.
It's so cold that polar bears wear jackets.
It's so cold that the rock rattling around in your shoe is your toe.
It's so cold that you have to open the fridge to heat the house.
It’s so cold the rats in the alley were bribing the cats for a snuggle.
It’s so cold that even the ATM shows minus.
It’s so cold I saw a gangsta with his pants pulled up.
It’s so cold the anticipation of waiting for my ketchup to come out of the bottle lasted three months.
It's so cold that you have to break the smoke off your chimney.
It’s so cold that when I dialed the emergency number, there was a recording that said to call back in spring.
It’s so cold that when we baked the frozen pizza in the oven for 25 minutes, it was still frozen.
It’s so cold that Grandpa’s teeth are chattering – in the glass!