It was so cold firemen couldn’t get the people out of the burning building because it was warm.
It's so cold that lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.
It’s so cold ice cubes are coming out of my tap.
It’s so cold I saw Superman taking a taxi.
It’s so cold that bed bugs promised not to bite you as long as they can snuggle in your pajamas.
It’s so cold walruses were visiting the hardware store in search of more insulation.
It's so cold hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs!
It’s so cold refrigerators are redundant.
It’s so cold washroom attendants have started putting salt boxes next to the toilets.
It’s so cold pickpockets are sticking their hands in strangers’ pockets just to keep them warm.
It's so cold that you have to open the fridge to heat the house.
It was so cold the mice were playing ice hockey in the toilet bowl.
It’s so cold that when I needed an anesthetic, the dentist told me to stick my head out the hospital window.
It’s so cold the school nurse has to use a steamer to remove the instruments from the lips of the brass band members after the concert.
It’s so cold that when we baked the frozen pizza in the oven for 25 minutes, it was still frozen.
It’s so cold that Jack Frost changed his name to Jack Froze.
It’s so cold my money turned into cold, hard cash.
It’s so cold chickens are rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!
It’s so cold that I have to wave a blow-torch in front of my nose just to have a sneeze.
It’s so cold I tried to take out the garbage, but it refused to go.
It’s so cold I actually enjoyed someone spilling hot coffee in my lap.
It’s so cold a glacier was seen heading slowly down the main street of our town.
It’s so cold the anticipation of waiting for my ketchup to come out of the bottle lasted three months.
It’s so cold every kind of cereal in the cupboard is frosted – including the boxes!
It’s so cold people with spiked hair were being arrested for carrying around a dangerous weapon.
It’s so cold kids are using a new excuse to stay up late: “But Mom, my pajamas haven’t thawed out yet!”
It’s so cold that even the ATM shows minus.
It’s so cold the police told a robber to freeze, and he really did.
It’s so cold that when I dialed the emergency number, there was a recording that said to call back in spring.
It's so cold that the rock rattling around in your shoe is your toe.
It’s so cold teenagers began to worry about getting goosebumps rather than acne.
It’s so cold the rats in the alley were bribing the cats for a snuggle.
It’s so cold we have to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our clothes!
It's so cold that the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses.
It’s so cold the local graveyard put heaters out for the ghosts.
It’s so cold we were afraid to spit because it can ricochet.
It’s so cold sheep were demanding their wool back.
It’s so cold I saw an Amish guy buying an electric blanket.
It’s so cold our hats have turned into ice caps.
It’s so cold the ice cubes in my drink have goosebumps.
It's so cold that you have to break the smoke off your chimney.
It's so cold that when cows are milked, ice cream comes out.
It’s so cold we had to salt the hallway.
It’s so cold cops are tasering themselves.
It’s so cold pet stores sell hamsters, gerbils, and penguins.
It’s so cold dogs are wearing cats.
It’s so cold mailmen watch out for both dogs and polar bears.
It’s so cold that even the polar bears started drinking hot chocolate.
It’s so cold the flames of our fire froze.
It’s so cold our table cutlery now includes a saw.