It’s so cold the cosmetics counter at the local department store started selling cream for goosebumps.
It’s so cold that even the ATM shows minus.
It’s so cold we were afraid to spit because it can ricochet.
It was so cold when I turned on the shower, I got hail.
It’s so cold that bed bugs promised not to bite you as long as they can snuggle in your pajamas.
It was so cold when I blinked my eyes froze shut.
It’s so cold dogs are wearing cats.
It’s so cold that I’m breathing out snowflakes!
It's so cold that our words froze in midair — we had to put them in a frying pan to thaw them so we could hear what we were talking about.
It’s so cold that the snowflakes froze in the air and birds used them as stepping stones to get from tree to tree.
It’s so cold that when we baked the frozen pizza in the oven for 25 minutes, it was still frozen.
It’s so cold we had to chisel the dog off a lamp post.
It's so cold that trees are chopping themselves into firewood.
It’s so cold I actually enjoyed someone spilling hot coffee in my lap.
It’s so cold teenagers began to worry about getting goosebumps rather than acne.
It's so cold that Starbucks started serving coffee on a stick.
It’s so cold the aquarium didn’t need to use glass. On the downside, the fish were motionless.
It’s so cold you could rob me with a bucket of water right now!!
It’s so cold that Grandpa’s teeth are chattering – in the glass!
It’s so cold cops are tasering themselves.
It’s so cold I left Starbuck with mocha lattes and by the time I got to the car I had fudgicles.
It's so cold that people look forward to getting a fever.
It's so cold that lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.
It's so cold that you have to break the smoke off your chimney.
It’s so cold pet stores sell hamsters, gerbils, and penguins.
It’s so cold mum used a saw to serve us milk.
It's so cold hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs!
It’s so cold Levi Strauss started making electric jeans.
It's so cold that I’m drinking hot sauce instead of coffee.
It’s so cold people with spiked hair were being arrested for carrying around a dangerous weapon.
It’s so cold it’s colder than any room packed with ex-wives.
It's so cold that the band changed their name to Red Cold Chili Peppers.
It’s so cold our hats have turned into ice caps.
It’s so cold that even the snowmen are wearing sweaters!
It's so cold that you have to open the fridge to heat the house.
It’s so cold sheep were demanding their wool back.
It’s so cold kids are using a new excuse to stay up late: “But Mom, my pajamas haven’t thawed out yet!”
It’s so cold that the Statue of Liberty put her torch inside her dress!
It’s so cold the school nurse has to use a steamer to remove the instruments from the lips of the brass band members after the concert.
It’s so cold we had to stop eating with metal cutlery. Some people walked around for days with spoons or forks stuck to their tongues!
It’s so cold that when I dialed the emergency number, there was a recording that said to call back in spring.
It’s so cold refrigerators are redundant.
It’s so cold we had to salt the hallway.
It’s so cold the police told a robber to freeze, and he really did.
It’s so cold that even the polar bears started drinking hot chocolate.
It’s so cold that Jack Frost changed his name to Jack Froze.
It’s so cold the ice cubes in my drink have goosebumps.
It’s so cold chickens are rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!
It’s so cold the anticipation of waiting for my ketchup to come out of the bottle lasted three months.
It’s so cold pickpockets are sticking their hands in strangers’ pockets just to keep them warm.
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