It’s so cold we have to put skates on just to move around the house.
It's so cold that you might have to chop up the piano for firewood (although you’ll only get two chords).
It’s so cold people with spiked hair were being arrested for carrying around a dangerous weapon.
It’s so cold it’s colder than any room packed with ex-wives.
It’s so cold we didn’t clean the house, we just defrosted it.
It's so cold that people look forward to getting a fever.
It’s so cold refrigerators are redundant.
It’s so cold every kind of cereal in the cupboard is frosted – including the boxes!
It’s so cold dogs are wearing cats.
It’s so cold our hats have turned into ice caps.
It's so cold that lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.
It’s so cold that even the polar bears started drinking hot chocolate.
It’s so cold I saw an Amish guy buying an electric blanket.
It’s so cold washroom attendants have started putting salt boxes next to the toilets.
It’s so cold we have to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our clothes!
It’s so cold sheep were demanding their wool back.
It was so cold that we pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside to keep warm.
It’s so cold I left Starbuck with mocha lattes and by the time I got to the car I had fudgicles.
It’s so cold I saw Superman taking a taxi.
It's so cold that Starbucks started serving coffee on a stick.
It’s so cold I swapped my pillow for a grill.
It’s so cold pet stores sell hamsters, gerbils, and penguins.
It’s so cold the local graveyard put heaters out for the ghosts.
It’s so cold we had to stop eating with metal cutlery. Some people walked around for days with spoons or forks stuck to their tongues!
It's so cold that I’m drinking hot sauce instead of coffee.
It’s so cold that the snowflakes froze in the air and birds used them as stepping stones to get from tree to tree.
It’s so cold my hat wrapped itself in a scarf.
It’s so cold that the Statue of Liberty put her torch inside her dress!
It’s so cold my money turned into cold, hard cash.
It’s so cold that I have to wave a blow-torch in front of my nose just to have a sneeze.
It’s so cold that bed bugs promised not to bite you as long as they can snuggle in your pajamas.
It was so cold that I saw a Greyhound bus and the dog was riding on the inside.
It’s so cold I tried to take out the garbage, but it refused to go.
It’s so cold that even the snowmen are wearing sweaters!
It's so cold that you have to open the fridge to heat the house.
It’s so cold that when we baked the frozen pizza in the oven for 25 minutes, it was still frozen.
It’s so cold we were afraid to spit because it can ricochet.
It was so cold firemen couldn’t get the people out of the burning building because it was warm.
It's so cold that polar bears wear jackets.
It’s so cold the aquarium didn’t need to use glass. On the downside, the fish were motionless.
It’s so cold a glacier was seen heading slowly down the main street of our town.
It’s so cold the police told a robber to freeze, and he really did.
It’s so cold Levi Strauss started making electric jeans.
It’s so cold that when I dialed the emergency number, there was a recording that said to call back in spring.
It's so cold that you have to break the smoke off your chimney.
It’s so cold that Jack Frost changed his name to Jack Froze.
It’s so cold we had to punch a hole in the air just to get outside.
It's so cold that our words froze in midair — we had to put them in a frying pan to thaw them so we could hear what we were talking about.
It’s so cold my mail shattered when I tried to open it.
It's so cold that people started chipping their teeth on soup!
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