Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
Chuck Norris’ tears can cure you of the coronavirus.
Too bad he doesn’t cry.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about.
Waldo once insulted chuck norris.
And we all know how THAT'S going.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
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