The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?
"you, you and you, get out."
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Waldo once insulted chuck norris.
And we all know how THAT'S going.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris fell into a black hole.
The black hole couldn't escape.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
In the Beginning there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.
That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris’ tears can cure you of the coronavirus.
Too bad he doesn’t cry.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
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