Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?
"you, you and you, get out."
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
When Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity... he got it back.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him
So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...
And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time
Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
When Chuck Norris goes skydiving
the earth falls toward him.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
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