Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
A blonde goes to a soda machine.
She puts in a dollar and gets a soda.
She does this again and again.
A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long.
She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"
Why do blondes take the pill? So they know what day of the week it is.
How many blonde jokes are there?
One. The rest are all true stories.
Dustin and Jane (both blonds) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end.
The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?”
The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”
Why blondes can't make Koolaid? Because they can't get 2 quarts of water in that small koolaid envelope.
Why did the Blonde go to the Apple Store? She wanted a Big Mac meal.
How do you drown a blonde? Tape a mirror to the bottom of a pool.
Why did the blonde give up online shopping?
The trolley kept falling off the computer.
Did you hear about the blonde corn maze? It only had 1 stalk.
Why did the blond enter the tennis courts naked?
Because the sign said tennis shoes only.
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days?
Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days? Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?"
"Could I start In three months?"
Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.
A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before.
Each bought one.
The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”
“Why not?”
“I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”
How do you confuse a blonde? Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
An blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
A blond rings up an airline.
She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"
The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."
The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
What do you call a blonde holding a balloon? Siamese twins
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Why did the blond softball team always eat at Taco Bell before a game?
So they'd get more runs than the opponents.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour.
So, when would you like to start?"
"In three months."
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says:
"Doctor, what’s the problem with me?
When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts...
When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!"
The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
Why did the blonde put sugar on her bed? Because she wanted sweet dreams!
This blonde was walking down a road carrying a bag, when a guy came along.
The guy asks, "What are you carrying?"
"Melons," the blonde replies.
"Cool," the guy says.
"If I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?"
The blonde giggles and says, "If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them."
A blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted!
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says: "Doctor, what’s the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!" The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A blonde parade.
Why did the Blonde go to Taco Bell? To pay her phone bill.
Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.
How does a blonde kill a worm?
She buries it.
What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.
Why did the blonde have square boobs? Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes.
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.
How do you drown a submarine full of blonds?
You knock on the door.
Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.
How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer.
What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training
What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? "Thanks for the refill!"
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
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