Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.
Why blondes can't make Koolaid? Because they can't get 2 quarts of water in that small koolaid envelope.
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
What do you call a blonde holding a balloon? Siamese twins
How do you confuse a blonde? Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour.
So, when would you like to start?"
"In three months."
Why do blondes take the pill? So they know what day of the week it is.
What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Gifted!
How do you drown a submarine full of blonds?
You knock on the door.
What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool? Air Pockets What has 12 feet and an IQ of 40? A Blonde-tourage.
Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.
A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before.
Each bought one.
The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”
“Why not?”
“I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”
Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? Because she got an "F" in se*.
Why did the Blonde go to Taco Bell? To pay her phone bill.
A blond rings up an airline.
She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"
The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."
The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
What's the mating call of the blonde? "I'm sooooo drunk!"
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? Her IQ goes up!
Did you hear about the blonde corn maze? It only had 1 stalk.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? Data transfer.
Why did the blonde give up online shopping?
The trolley kept falling off the computer.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says: "Doctor, what’s the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!" The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
How do you drown a blonde? Tape a mirror to the bottom of a pool.
What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards
What goes: vroooom-schreech, vrooom-schreech, vroooom-schreech? A blonde at a flashing red light
How do you kill a blonde? Give her a gun and say it's a hair drier.
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
Why did the Blonde go to the Apple Store? She wanted a Big Mac meal.
A blond pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died.
After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly.
"What's the story?" she asked.
"Just crap in the carburetor," the mechanic replied.
"How often do I have to do that?" asked the blond.
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
Why do blondes wear hooped ear rings. So they have somewhere to put their feet when having se*.
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.
What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? "Thanks for the refill!"
Two blonds were driving down the road.
The blond driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working.
So the blond looks out the window and says, "Yes. No. Yes. No."
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
How many blonde jokes are there?
One. The rest are all true stories.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?"
"Could I start In three months?"
Dustin and Jane (both blonds) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end.
The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?”
The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days? Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
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