What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? She moved.
A blonde goes to a soda machine.
She puts in a dollar and gets a soda.
She does this again and again.
A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long.
She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"
Why did the blonde take a camera to bed? To record what she was going to dream that night.
Why did the blonde give up online shopping?
The trolley kept falling off the computer.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
A blond rings up an airline.
She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"
The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."
The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
What do you call a blonde holding a balloon? Siamese twins
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
An blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training
What's the mating call of the blonde? "I'm sooooo drunk!"
Did you ever hear about the blonde who bathed herself and drank cleaning substances? She wanted to be spotless inside and out.
How does a blonde kill a worm?
She buries it.
Why did the blonde only tie one shoe? Because on the bottom it said "Taiwan" (Tie one)
Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says:
"Doctor, what’s the problem with me?
When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts...
When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!"
The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days?
Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
A redhead tells her blond stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blond replies, "Oh my God. You slut. How many is a brazilian?"
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? Because she got an "F" in se*.
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
Doctor: "You look exhausted."
Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave!
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
Baseball Fan: Have you ever seen a line drive?
Blond Baseball Fan: No, but I have seen a baseball park.
How many blonde jokes are there?
One. The rest are all true stories.
Why do blondes wear ponytails? To hide the valve stem!
Two blondes fell down a hole.
One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see!"
Why did the blond enter the tennis courts naked?
Because the sign said tennis shoes only.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
Why did the Blonde go to the Apple Store? She wanted a Big Mac meal.
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.
Dustin and Jane (both blonds) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end.
The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?”
The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”
Why do blondes wear hooped ear rings. So they have somewhere to put their feet when having se*.
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? Because she wanted to measure how long he slept.
A blonde and a brunette were jumping off a building. Who jumped first? The brunette. The blonde had to ask for directions...
Why did the Blonde go to Taco Bell? To pay her phone bill.
Why shouldn't you even think about dating the blond outfielder who got hit in the head by a baseball?
Because she's a bad catch.
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? Her IQ goes up!
How many dumb blonde jokes are there? None they're all true stories.
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer.
How do you kill a blonde? Give her a gun and say it's a hair drier.
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