Why do blondes take the pill? So they know what day of the week it is.
A blonde goes to a soda machine.
She puts in a dollar and gets a soda.
She does this again and again.
A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long.
She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"
Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? Because she got an "F" in se*.
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
How many dumb blonde jokes are there? None they're all true stories.
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.
On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor.
He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
The blonde asked, “How am I supposed to know when I’m at 300 feet?”
“That’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you'll be able to recognize the faces of people on the ground.”
After pondering his answer, she asked, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”
Why did the Blonde go to the Apple Store? She wanted a Big Mac meal.
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour.
So, when would you like to start?"
"In three months."
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
A blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
What's the mating call of the blonde? "I'm sooooo drunk!"
Two blonds were driving down the road.
The blond driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working.
So the blond looks out the window and says, "Yes. No. Yes. No."
A redhead tells her blond stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blond replies, "Oh my God. You slut. How many is a brazilian?"
How does a blonde kill a worm?
She buries it.
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell, she has a grenade in her hand.
Why do blondes wear hooped ear rings. So they have somewhere to put their feet when having se*.
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
Why did the blonde only tie one shoe? Because on the bottom it said "Taiwan" (Tie one)
Why did the blond enter the tennis courts naked?
Because the sign said tennis shoes only.
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? Her IQ goes up!
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days? Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
Two blondes are walking down the road when one says "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says "Where?"
How do you confuse a blond?
Tell them to count the stairs on a escalator.
A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and with a screaming voice said, “I have a complaint!”
“How can i help you?” said the librarian looking up at her.
“I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!”
Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked “What was wrong with it?”
“It had way too many characters and there was no plot!” said the blonde.
The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book."
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
A blond pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died.
After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly.
"What's the story?" she asked.
"Just crap in the carburetor," the mechanic replied.
"How often do I have to do that?" asked the blond.
Why blondes can't make Koolaid? Because they can't get 2 quarts of water in that small koolaid envelope.
This blonde was walking down a road carrying a bag, when a guy came along.
The guy asks, "What are you carrying?"
"Melons," the blonde replies.
"Cool," the guy says.
"If I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?"
The blonde giggles and says, "If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them."
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"
What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training
Two blondes fell down a hole.
One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see!"
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.
Why did the blonde give up online shopping?
The trolley kept falling off the computer.
Why did the blonde take a camera to bed? To record what she was going to dream that night.
Why did the Blonde go to Taco Bell? To pay her phone bill.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back
How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer.
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