Why did the Blonde go to the Apple Store? She wanted a Big Mac meal.
Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.
Why did the blonde put sugar on her bed? Because she wanted sweet dreams!
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?"
"Could I start In three months?"
Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? Because she wanted to measure how long he slept.
A blond rings up an airline.
She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?"
The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..."
The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
Why did the blonde have square boobs? Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes.
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? Because she got an "F" in se*.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
Why did the blonde give up online shopping?
The trolley kept falling off the computer.
Why do blondes wear hooped ear rings. So they have somewhere to put their feet when having se*.
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
A blond pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died.
After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly.
"What's the story?" she asked.
"Just crap in the carburetor," the mechanic replied.
"How often do I have to do that?" asked the blond.
A blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"
On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor.
He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
The blonde asked, “How am I supposed to know when I’m at 300 feet?”
“That’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you'll be able to recognize the faces of people on the ground.”
After pondering his answer, she asked, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”
Why shouldn't you even think about dating the blond outfielder who got hit in the head by a baseball?
Because she's a bad catch.
Did you ever hear about the blonde who bathed herself and drank cleaning substances? She wanted to be spotless inside and out.
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
How many dumb blonde jokes are there? None they're all true stories.
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
Why did the blond enter the tennis courts naked?
Because the sign said tennis shoes only.
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? Her IQ goes up!
What do you call a blonde holding a balloon? Siamese twins
Why did the blonde take a camera to bed? To record what she was going to dream that night.
How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says:
"Doctor, what’s the problem with me?
When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts...
When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!"
The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? "Thanks for the refill!"
Why did the blond softball team always eat at Taco Bell before a game?
So they'd get more runs than the opponents.
What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back
Two blondes fell down a hole.
One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see!"
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
How do you drown a submarine full of blonds?
You knock on the door.
How does a blonde kill a worm?
She buries it.
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A blonde parade.
Dustin and Jane (both blonds) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end.
The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?”
The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”
What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
Doctor: "You look exhausted."
Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."
What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? She moved.
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
This blonde was walking down a road carrying a bag, when a guy came along.
The guy asks, "What are you carrying?"
"Melons," the blonde replies.
"Cool," the guy says.
"If I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?"
The blonde giggles and says, "If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them."
Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards
What goes: vroooom-schreech, vrooom-schreech, vroooom-schreech? A blonde at a flashing red light
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