What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Hand of the buyer with a piece of cheese in the store
Why did the mailman die? Because everybody dies.
You know what they say? Words.
Why can’t Micheal J Fox draw a perfect circle?
Because he hasn't been trained as an artist.
How do you get rid of a cold?
Turn the heating on.
Why is there no Aspirin in the rain forest?
Because it wouldn’t be financially viable to try to sell pharmaceuticals in the vastly unpopulated rain forest.
Since the bartender is not a chemist, he has no idea that H2O2 is the chemical formula for hydrogen peroxide, and gives both chemists a glass of water. Expecting that one to end a little differently, too? If you’re unfamiliar, this is the (rather dark) way that joke usually ends. Plus, check out some more brainy and hilarious science jokes.
Have you ever noticed that when geese fly in a ‘V’ formation, one line is always longer than the other? That's because there are more geese in that line.
An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree and the owl turns to the squirrel and says.
Nothing, because owls can’t talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because it is a bird of prey.
What did one Japanese man say to the other? I’ve no idea, I don’t speak Japanese.
Scientists have proven that cats have more hair on one side. Which side is it?
The outside.
What leaves a bigger hole in your heart than breaking up with your girlfriend?
A bullet.
A guy walks into a bar. He gets a drink and leaves.
What’s orange and tastes like an orange? An orange.
How do you get a clown off a swing?
Hit him with an axe.
What group of people do cops target the most?
Criminals.
What did the farmer say after he lost his tractor?
“Where’s my tractor?”
Who shaves at least 20 times a day? A barber.
What did the homeless man get for christmas?
Nothing.
What did the doctor say to the other doctor? We’re both doctors!
An Irishman, a Chinaman and an American all walk into a bar. This is an excellent example of integrated community.
What do you call a cop with a wooden leg?
Officer.
Why did the Catholic priest get sent to jail?
Tax evasion.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
What’s a vampire’s favorite food?
Vampires aren’t real.
What do you call a joke that isn’t funny? A sentence.
A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released in a nearby park.
What’s green and has wheels?
Grass, I lied about the wheels.
Knock knock.
Come in.
What did the hobo say when he lost his jacket?
I'm cold.
What would Kurt Cobain be doing if he was still alive? Clawing at the inside of his casket.
Back in 1980, I fell off my bike, twisted my foot, and hurt my knee. I’m telling you this now because there was no social media in the ‘80s.
Why couldn't the dragon be a fireman?
Because dragons aren't real.
What do you call a cross between a joke and a rhetorical question?
What did Buzz Lightyear say to Woody?
A lot. There were three movies, and a couple short films too.
What do you call a 5 foot hobo?
Whatever his name is.
What is green, red, yellow, purple and orange?
Colors.
What’s black and white and red all over?
Red white black through tissue samples textiles for making clothes
A guy walks into a bar.
Which is unfortunate because he has a drinking problem.
Go to BabaMail
