An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree and the owl turns to the squirrel and says.
Nothing, because owls can’t talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because it is a bird of prey.
A man walks into a library to get a book on suicide.
The librarian says “Do you have a library card?” The man says “no” and leaves.
What’s the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
Girl holding bowl colorful variety game indoor.
You know you’re a true 90s kid when you look at your birth certificate and it says that you were born between 1990 and 1999.
How is a laser beam similar to a goldfish? Neither one can whistle.
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar.
He gets treated with great respect, since he’s such a talented actor.
How do you confuse a blond?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
Why did the Catholic priest get sent to jail?
Tax evasion.
A guy walks into a bar.
Which is unfortunate because he has a drinking problem.
Do you know what’s odd? Every other number.
What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A horrible boating accident.
Stolen. Stealing is bad and you should return it. Here are some of our favorite corny puns that are so bad they’re good.
What leaves a bigger hole in your heart than breaking up with your girlfriend?
A bullet.
A man walks into a bar. “Ouch.”
What did one Frenchman say to the other?
I have no idea; I don’t speak French.
What’s a vampire’s favorite food?
Vampires aren’t real.
What's yellow and kills you if you get it in your eyes?
A school bus.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
What’s orange and tastes like an orange? An orange.
What do you call a French guy flying a plane? A pilot.
What’s black and white and red all over?
Red white black through tissue samples textiles for making clothes
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
To.
To who?
No, “to whom.”
What did one ant say to the other ant? Nothing, ants communicate by pheromones, not speech.
In France, They don’t say “I love you”
Because they don’t speak English there.
What did the homeless man get for christmas?
Nothing.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.
Why are black people so good at basketball?
Dedication and hard work.
A blonde is a living person with a specific hair color, and a bowling ball is an inanimate object used in the sport of bowling.
Every 60 seconds, a minute passes.
Scientists have proven that cats have more hair on one side. Which side is it?
The outside.
Who shaves at least 20 times a day? A barber.
Why did the swan hiss? Biologically, it’s coded in their genes to do so when threatened.
Back in 1980, I fell off my bike, twisted my foot, and hurt my knee. I’m telling you this now because there was no social media in the ‘80s.
Have you ever noticed that when geese fly in a ‘V’ formation, one line is always longer than the other? That's because there are more geese in that line.
How do you get rid of a cold?
Turn the heating on.
A dog walks into a bar and is promptly escorted out, as animals are not allowed.
Why can’t Micheal J Fox draw a perfect circle?
Because he hasn't been trained as an artist.
Why is there no Aspirin in the rain forest?
Because it wouldn’t be financially viable to try to sell pharmaceuticals in the vastly unpopulated rain forest.
Why did Dany stay home from the party? She wasn’t invited.
How do you light a swimming pool on fire?
You don't.
A guy walks into a bar. He gets a drink and leaves.
Yo mama's so old, she’s probably going to die soon.
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile?
Your face muscles.
A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The Screwdriver responds, “You have a drink named Murray?”
What did the hobo say when he lost his jacket?
I'm cold.
Parenting is like playing chess.
I don't know how to play chess.
What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut.
A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, “What’ll it be?” The duck doesn’t say anything because it’s a duck.
What did one Japanese man say to the other? I’ve no idea, I don’t speak Japanese.
Go to BabaMail
