Knock knock.
Come in.
Why was John always at the casino? He’s addicted to gambling.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar.
He gets treated with great respect, since he’s such a talented actor.
A blonde is a living person with a specific hair color, and a bowling ball is an inanimate object used in the sport of bowling.
What’s the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
Girl holding bowl colorful variety game indoor.
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and bumped his head.
The momma called the doctor and the doctor said…
“We’re calling Animal Protective Services.”
What’s blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks him, “Why the long face?” The horse says, “Evolution.”
Why is there no Aspirin in the rain forest?
Because it wouldn’t be financially viable to try to sell pharmaceuticals in the vastly unpopulated rain forest.
You know what they say? Words.
If you were born in France. Raised in England moved to Canada and died in the USA what are you...?
Dead.
Stolen. Stealing is bad and you should return it. Here are some of our favorite corny puns that are so bad they’re good.
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile?
Your face muscles.
What did one Japanese man say to the other? I’ve no idea, I don’t speak Japanese.
Why did the swan hiss? Biologically, it’s coded in their genes to do so when threatened.
How is a laser beam similar to a goldfish? Neither one can whistle.
Why couldn't the dragon be a fireman?
Because dragons aren't real.
What did one stranger say to the other? Nothing. They didn’t know each other.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
Why did the Catholic priest get sent to jail?
Tax evasion.
Do you know what’s odd? Every other number.
How do you confuse a blond?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
What do you call a joke that isn’t funny? A sentence.
An Irishman, a Chinaman and an American all walk into a bar. This is an excellent example of integrated community.
What do you call someone who kills a black person?
Murderer.
Who shaves at least 20 times a day? A barber.
Why did Benjamin get sick after eating too much ice cream? He was lactose intolerant.
In France, They don’t say “I love you”
Because they don’t speak English there.
What does anti-humour have in common with a half empty bottle of ketchup?
Nothing.
What do you call a cross between a joke and a rhetorical question?
Two muffins are sitting in the oven.
One says, “Wow, it’s hot in here.” The other one says, “Sure is. Probably about 350 degrees Fahrenheit.”
A man walks into a library to get a book on suicide.
The librarian says “Do you have a library card?” The man says “no” and leaves.
What would Kurt Cobain be doing if he was still alive? Clawing at the inside of his casket.
What do you call a cop with a wooden leg?
Officer.
Why are black people so good at basketball?
Dedication and hard work.
Why did the mailman die? Because everybody dies.
Back in 1980, I fell off my bike, twisted my foot, and hurt my knee. I’m telling you this now because there was no social media in the ‘80s.
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says “I’ll take a glass of H2O.” The second says “I’ll take a glass of H2O too.”
What do you call a 5 foot hobo?
Whatever his name is.
What’s the one thing in life you can always count on? A calculator.
A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The Screwdriver responds, “You have a drink named Murray?”
Why can’t Tommy the T-Rex clap? Because dinosaurs have been extinct for 65 million years.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks “why the long face?”.
The horse replies “My wife is leaving me and I just got fired."
What did the hand say to the face?
Nothing. Fingers can’t talk.
A guy walks into a bar.
Which is unfortunate because he has a drinking problem.
A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar.
They all get a drink, because bars in America are legally required to serve people of all religions.
Yo mama's so old, she’s probably going to die soon.
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
How do you get rid of a cold?
Turn the heating on.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.