Why is there no Aspirin in the rain forest?
Because it wouldn’t be financially viable to try to sell pharmaceuticals in the vastly unpopulated rain forest.
A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar.
They all get a drink, because bars in America are legally required to serve people of all religions.
What do you call a 5 foot hobo?
Whatever his name is.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks “why the long face?”.
The horse replies “My wife is leaving me and I just got fired."
What did Buzz Lightyear say to Woody?
A lot. There were three movies, and a couple short films too.
A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The Screwdriver responds, “You have a drink named Murray?”
Every 60 seconds, a minute passes.
Back in 1980, I fell off my bike, twisted my foot, and hurt my knee. I’m telling you this now because there was no social media in the ‘80s.
What group of people do cops target the most?
Criminals.
What did one stranger say to the other? Nothing. They didn’t know each other.
Who shaves at least 20 times a day? A barber.
What did the farmer say after he lost his tractor?
“Where’s my tractor?”
If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.
How is a laser beam similar to a goldfish? Neither one can whistle.
An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree and the owl turns to the squirrel and says.
Nothing, because owls can’t talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because it is a bird of prey.
If you were born in France. Raised in England moved to Canada and died in the USA what are you...?
Dead.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar.
He gets treated with great respect, since he’s such a talented actor.
How do you get rid of a cold?
Turn the heating on.
Why did the teacher tell Jamie she was wearing too much makeup? Because she was wearing too much makeup.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
Yo momma’s so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile?
Your face muscles.
What did the hand say to the face?
Nothing. Fingers can’t talk.
Knock knock.
Come in.
An Irishman, a Chinaman and an American all walk into a bar. This is an excellent example of integrated community.
Do you know what’s odd? Every other number.
What’s a vampire’s favorite food?
Vampires aren’t real.
What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A horrible boating accident.
What do you call a joke that isn’t funny? A sentence.
What’s orange and tastes like an orange? An orange.
What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut.
Yo mama's so old, she’s probably going to die soon.
What’s blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.
Why is the fireman buried on the top of the hill?
Because he is dead.
What’s the one thing in life you can always count on? A calculator.
Why did the Catholic priest get sent to jail?
Tax evasion.
Guess what I saw today. Everything I looked at.
How do you light a swimming pool on fire?
You don't.
What do you call a cross between a joke and a rhetorical question?
You know you’re a true 90s kid when you look at your birth certificate and it says that you were born between 1990 and 1999.
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says “I’ll take a glass of H2O.” The second says “I’ll take a glass of H2O too.”
A man walks into a bar. “Ouch.”
What does anti-humour have in common with a half empty bottle of ketchup?
Nothing.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks him, “Why the long face?” The horse says, “Evolution.”
What do you call a French guy flying a plane? A pilot.
A guy walks into a bar. He gets a drink and leaves.
What did the homeless man get for christmas?
Nothing.
Stolen. Stealing is bad and you should return it. Here are some of our favorite corny puns that are so bad they’re good.
What do you call someone who kills a black person?
Murderer.
Why can't T-Rex's clap their hands?
Because they're extinct.
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