The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?"
"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the bum said.
"Will you use it to gamble?"
"I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?"
"Are you NUTS!? I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
The man said, "Well, I'm not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The bum was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad."
The man replied: "That's OK. I just want her to see what a man who's given up drinking, gambling and golf looks like."
For more funny jokes scroll below!
Joke: Mom and Dad's New Wife
When a husband's young new bride and his ex-wife are planning to wear the same dress on their wedding day, you know it's a recipe for disaster...
Joke: It's Difficult to Fulfill a Dying Wish Sometimes
When a window visits an undertaker to see how preparations of her dead husband's body are going, she isn't happy with what she sees. A solution is proposed...
This Joke Begins With a Wandering Eye...
A woman loses her glass eye when she sneezes. A man is quick to catch it. She subsequently invites him over for dinner and they have a wonderful evening...
Joke: Wedding Decisions
A bride and a groom are with a pastor finalizing details for their wedding day. The pastor asks them whether they want a traditional or contemporary wedding...
Joke: Doctor, What Are You Going to Do With My Husband?
A man's penis just starts to grow with no end to the growth in sight. He soon resorts to seeking out a urologist...
Joke: The Old Golf Partner
When a husband and wife are discussing golf, the husband is surprised at her suggestion of a golfing buddy for him. But he soon realizes she has a point...
Classic Comedy: Mr. Bean Takes the Train
Another great comedy jewel from Rowan Atkinson, this is uproariously funny scene.
You're Never Too Old To Have Fun! These Seniors Prove It
There may be some seniors who'd rather take life slowly. But others, do not want to waste a second having fun.
Hilarious! These Kids REALLY Hate Shopping!
While loads of teenagers and adults simply love to shop till they drop, the same can't really be said for most kids, as these hilarious photos prove!
The Best Husbands Have the Best Sense of Humor!
Married women will be able to related to these. You ask your husband to do one simply thing, and they take it as an excuse to goof off. See 10 hilarious pics.
These Talking Animal Cartoons Will Have You in Stitches
Ever wondered what animals are talking about? Well, thanks to these hilarious drawings by Jimmy Craig, your wondering can stop.
And the Award for the Worst Driver of the Year Goes To…
Car crashes aren’t supposed to be funny. So, why can’t we stop laughing at these ridiculous ones?
Classic Comedy: How to Keep a Man Focused!
A hilarious skit showing the fastest way to re-capture a man's wandering attention...
These Birthday Quotes Will Make Your Loved Ones Smile
Here are some funny birthday quotes to remind you that your special day is worth celebrating and leaving a smile on your face.
Airports Are Full Of Weird and Wonderful Different Sights
Airports are full of weird and wonderful different sights.
These Funny Illustrations Show What Life Is Like With Kids!
Jim Benton is a cartoonist and illustrator who has managed to capture life with young kids perfectly. Take a look at his hilarious drawings.
Hilarious: This Just May Be Why Building Codes Exist...
20 examples of the worst construction flaws, that will hopefully remind you to hire a professional next time.
Hilarious: Cats are Some of the Funniest Creatures
Prepare for a foray into the delightful absurdity of living with cats.
Rowan Atkinson Gives a Most Hilarious Sermon!
Rowan Atkinson, the famous comedian, gives a sermon the likes of which you've never heard...
HILARIOUS: Some People Have Unusual Solutions
Ingenious solutions to ordinary problems that will make you laugh.
COMEDY COLLECTION: Giggle at Mr. Bean's Funniest Antics
Mr. bean (Sir Rowan Atkinson) is one of comedy’s most memorable characters. Get your funny bone ready for some serious tickling, as we show you 18 of Mr. Bean's funniest skits ever.
These Architects Should Really Rethink Their Career Choice
Somebody messed up big time. You’ll laugh your head off seeing how wrong construction can go with these hilarious photos.
When it Comes to Comedy, Twins Have an Unfair Advantage...
Just for Laughs is at it again, this time with the best twin pranks around.
13 Funny Palindromes That Will Make You Giggle
People have been enjoying palindromes for centuries - here are 13 funny examples that are sure to make crack you up.
What the Heck Was Going On in These 25 Photographs!
Sometimes you just have to throw you hands up and ask: 'what the hell are all these people in the photos were thinking?'
Laugh Until You Cry with Mr. Bean's Ridiculous Antics
Enjoy 600 seconds of the most hilarious Mr. Bean moments that will leave you in stitches.
I Can't Stop Laughing at These Bizarre Signs!
These are the most ludicrous and unnecessary signs I have ever seen in my life. Laugh at the bonkers things we are told to do by these ubiquitous notices.
This is Definitely the Funniest Song About Flight Discounts!
If something looks too good to be true, it usually is. So these ladies decided to write a hilarious song to warn us all!
Forget Your Worries and Laugh With Some Hilarious Cartoons
Take a break from the hustle and bustle of your everyday life and enjoy these one-panel comics by artist Dave Coverly.
These Witty Responses to Public Notices are Hilarious
Check out this collection of 15 petty notices along with their extremely hilarious responses!
Your Smile Video of the Day
Watch this fluffy owl as it apparently pets a no less fluffy dog in friendship, once again proving to us that many kinds of animals can show affection, not even just mammals.
These Funny ‘Science Facts’ Will Leave You Confused
It’s not always that science makes us laugh, but these intentionally wrong science facts will give you a good chuckle.
Funny Time: Get Your Giggles Going and Laugh Out Loud
16 Pictures that will make you giggle and guffaw like a hyena!
These Animal Pick Up Lines Are a Hoot!
When it comes to pick up lines, the animal world provides some of the funniest! This collection of 70 animal pick up lines is gonna make you roar with laughter.
Hilarious: 16 Sarcastic Daily Affirmations!
Sometimes, being overly positive doesn’t help. But a little bit of humor does.
These Child Letters to God are Both Touching and Hilarious
The letters these kids write are astounding.
These Funny Quotes Will Inspire You With a Smile
Let these humorous quotes about life put a smile on your face.
20 Chucklesome Road Signs Worth Stopping For
Someone in Colorado is putting hilariously punny road signs, and we can’t stop laughing!
Hilarious: How to Insult 7 Different Nations!
This kind woman is willing to help her boss with a difficult meeting, but her help isn't all it's cracked up to be...
Every Species Has Its Comedians...
There's nothing better than animals to make us smile and laugh!
These Comic Strips Are So Funny, You'll Ask for More!
Check out these hilarious one-frame funnies by artist Tyson Cole.
These Are the Funniest Signs I've Seen in a While...
These hilarious signs required some devious minds behind them...
20 Not-So-Scary Horror-Themed Comics That Had Us Chuckling
Enjoy these hilarious one-frame comics by Mark Parisi that depict horror movies in parallel universes.
We All Make These Mistakes as Parents... Hilarious!
When situations like this happen, we cannot help but giggle. Take a look at these hilarious parenting fails.
15 Funny Pictures of Pets Engaged in Shenanigans
These hilarious entries from the Comedy Pet Photography Awards will have you rolling in laughter.