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mirakel film Jokes

mirakel film Jokes and more.
Monster Puns
What is a skeleton’s favorite type of film to watch?
A spine-tingler.
Flight Puns
The company is planning to make a new series to show people how to fly an aeroplane. They are now filming the pilot.
Greece Puns
I'll be making a movie about the Greek alphabets.
It's a Psi Phi film.
Car puns
What is a car’s favourite film?

Taxi.
Which films is the car’s favourite?

WiperBlade 1, 2 and Trinity.
Italy Puns
There's a new film out about two insects that meet in Italy.
It's Rome ants.
Puns
I'm making a new documentary on how to fly a plane.
We're currently filming the pilot.
Funny Family Quotes
“My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.”

- Penelope Lombard.
Hockey Puns
What type of films should players watch to improve their shot? Slap stick.
Researching the Fiancé
An important politician was seen moving around with a film actress for a couple of months, with whom he finally decided to plunge into matrimony. But, being cautious, he hired a private detective for the job of looking into her past and finding out if she had any previous affairs with any men. After a few days, the politician at last received his detective's report, which went like this: "Sir, this lady has a spotless reputation. Her past is clear, her family and friends all come from a very respectable background. No one has anything against her character. But yes, according to my sources, for the last couple of months she's been frequently seen flirting with a politician with a dubious reputation."
Onion Puns
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
Shark Puns
What was the shark’s favorite Tim Burton film?
Edward Scissorfins.
Ghost Puns
What is a Ghost’s favourite film? Paranormal Activity.
Anti Jokes
What did Buzz Lightyear say to Woody?
A lot. There were three movies, and a couple short films too.
Using Cold Water to Clean the Dishes
John went to visit his 90-year-old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Saskatchewan. After spending a great evening chatting the night away, the next morning John's grandfather prepared a breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film-like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, 'Are these plates clean?' His grandfather replied: 'They're as clean as cold water can get ‘em. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!' For lunch, the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates, as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked: 'Are you sure these plates are clean?' Without looking up the old man said: 'I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!' Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass. John yelled: 'Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car'. Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted: 'Coldwater, go lay down now, ya hear me!?!'
Cowboy Jokes
Man in a cinema watching a cowboy film.
A stagecoach pulls up, man 1 turns to his neighbour and says "I bet you a tenner that the first cowboy bangs his head on the doorframe." Man 2 accepts the bet. The first guy out banged his head so man 2 pays up.

Man 1 feels guilty and gives back the tenner, says "I'm sorry, I saw this film last week, it made me feel bad taking your money."

Man 2 says "So did I, but I didn't think he'd be daft enough to do it again."
Spice Puns
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film? Catch me if you Cayenne.
Phone Puns
Mobile phones have been around longer than people think.
I was watching this film the other day and heard Sir Lancelot ask someone to fetch his charger.
Colonoscopy Short Jokes
Yesterday I paid a stranger to knock me unconscious,
shove a foreign object up my butt and film the whole thing!
Or as my doctor insists on calling it... a colonoscopy
Truck Puns
It’s never great taking a truck driver to the cinema to watch a film. They only really like the trailers.
Fish Puns
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
Chocolate Pick Up Lines
Just so you know I have a ref full of chocolate, a couch and good films at my house.
12 Celebrity Quotes So Dumb They're Hilarious!
1. Arnold Schwarzenegger: "I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman." 2. Mariah Carey: "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." 3. Brooke Shields: "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." 4. Paris Hilton: "What's Walmart, do they sell, like, wall stuff?" 5. Jessica Simpson: "Is this chicken what I have, or is this fish? I know it's tuna but it says Chicken by the Sea." 6. Britney Spears: "I get to go overseas places, like Canada." 7. Britney Spears again: "I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don't like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa." 8. George W. Bush: "Rarely is the question asked, is our children learning?" 9. Alicia Silverstone: "I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness." 10. Victoria Beckham: "I don't know much about football. I know what a goal is, which is surely the main thing about football." 11. David Beckham: "I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet." 12. Axl Rose: "It's really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people."
These Headlines Are Real and Totally Hilarious
~ Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges. ~ Nicaragua Sets Goal to Wipe out Literacy. ~ Filming in cemetery angers residents ~ Federal Agents raid gun shop, find weapons ~ Crash courses for private pilots ~ Chef Throws His Heart Into Helping Feed The Needy ~ Bodies Needed To Look After Graveyard ~ Bodies in garden are a plant says wife ~ 30 Year Friendship Ends At Alter ~ Stolen Prosthetic Arm Discovered in a Secondhand Shop ~ Blind Woman Gets New Kidney From Dad She Hasn't Seen In Years ~ Miners Refuse To Work After Death
Frog Puns
What do you get if cross a science fiction film with a toad?
Star Warts.
Ocean Puns
What is a blue whale’s favourite James Bond Film?
Licence to Krill.
Soup Puns
It is a bad film because good ones tend to have created atop day-old soup.
Funny Headlines
Filming in cemetery angers residents - The Evening Standard
Brain Puns
What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?
"Hey kid, you've got potential."
Theater Puns
This hottie has forever changed the film industry, and it starts with the letter P and ends with 'orn'. Reel your mind back in - we're talking popcorn!
Garden Puns
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
Baseball Pick Up Lines
Hey babe, now that the season's over, lets go back to my place and watch the highlight film.
One Liners and Short Jokes
R2D2 is the most obscene character in film history
They had to beep out every word he said.
I told my doctor I was paranoid my life was being filmed.
He told me to take one, action.
Quotes
I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun.
Arnold Schwarzenegger
The Firefighting Hero
One dark night in Dublin, a fire started inside the local chemical plant. In the blink of an eye, it exploded into massive flames. The alarm rang in all surrounding fire departments. When the firefighters arrived on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fireman in charge and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give 50,000 pounds to the fire department that brings them out intact." But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now 100,000 pounds to the fire station that could bring out the company's secret files. But the firefighters still couldn't get through. From a distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby rural township volunteer fire brigade, composed mainly of old men over 65. To everyone's amazement, that small run-down fire engine roared right past all the new sleek engines that were parked outside the plant. Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched as the old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire and fought it back on all sides. It was a performance and effort never seen before. Within a short time, the old timers had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas. The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to 200,000 pounds. He walked over to personally thank each of the brave firefighters. The local TV station caught the thank you on film and asked the chief, "What are you planning to do with all that money?" "Well," said Paddy, the 70-year-old fire chief, "the first thing we're going to do is fix the brakes on that bloody fire truck."