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calories beef schnitzel Jokes

calories beef schnitzel Jokes and more.
One Liners for Kids
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky.
Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can roast beef, but you cant pea soup!
What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickleback.
Air Travel Quotes
"I want to live in the world where searching for plane tickets burns calories."
Funny Yoga Quotes
“I only go to yoga to drink wine, so I’m good. I just throw the calories right back in.” – Kaley Cuoco
Bread Puns
Do you know what you call it when you place beef between two slices of bread? You get a bull-only sandwich.
Sports Pick Up Lines
I know a fun activity that can burn 500 calories an hour...
Meat Puns
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
Why did the cow and the bull become so close? Because they became beef-friends.
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
My local restaurant recently lost out on an entire order of the best local beef. No one has herd what happened to it.
Onion Puns
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
Strawberry Puns
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
Pea Puns
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
Chuck Norris Jokes
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Alien Puns
What is a lightyear?
The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
Food Quotes
“Another day, another 13,000 calories.”
— Andy Lassner
Nose Puns
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
Toaster Puns
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Leg Puns
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
Soap Puns
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
The Way it Used to Be
A boy returns home from running an errand for his quarantined grandfather. He says, "Grandpa, I got all the groceries you wanted! All together, it came to $47.22. Here's your change." Grandpa says, "My goodness, the world is expensive nowadays. When I was a boy your age, I could get five pounds of potatoes, three loaves of bread, two pounds of beef, a jug of milk, a tin of tobacco for my dad, and a handful of my favorite candies, all for about five cents. "Can't do that today, though. No siree Bob!" "Why is that, grandpa?" asks the boy. "Too many bloody cameras."
Tableware Puns
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
Soup Puns
What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Everyone would roast beef.
Is beef soup good for our health? Not if you are the cow.
How can we tell the difference between a can of beef soup and a can of pork soup? Just read the labels.
An act of kindness
A wife arriving home from a shopping trip was horrified to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman. She screamed at him: "You're a pig! A pig with no honor! How dare you do this to me! I'm your faithful wife!" She was about to storm off, when her husband stopped her with these words: "Wait a minute, let me at least explain what happened!" "Fine!" sobbed the angry wife, "but they will be your LAST words to me!" "Well, while I was driving along the highway, I saw this young girl here, looking tired and haggard. I felt sorry for her, so I brought her home. She was hungry, so I made her a meal from the roast beef you thought was too fattening. Her sandals were torn so I gave her a pair of good shoes you had discarded because they had gone out of style. She was cold, so I gave her the sweater I got you for your birthday that you don't wear because the colors don't suit you. Her slacks were worn out, so I gave her a pair of yours that you liked before your sister bought the same pair. Then, as she was about to leave the house, she turned to me and said pleadingly, "Please, please, is there anything ELSE your wife doesn't use anymore?"
Food puns
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
What happened to the lost beef shipment? Nobody's herd.
Is an argument between two vegans, still called a beef?
Why can't the bankrupt Hindu complain? He's got no beef.
What's a cow's favorite moosical note? Beef-flat
What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor? Ground Beef What do you call a cow with no front legs? Lean Beef
What do you call a cow that has 2 legs? Side of beef
Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? He's got no beef.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
What do you call a cow with no legs at all? Ground beef
Animal Puns
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Buffalo Puns
Her: "Buffalo meat is delicious. What are they made of? Beef?"

Me: "No... They're made of buff."
Password Puns
Why can't you use beef stew as a password?
Because it's not stroganoff.
Beach Puns
They told me they were handing out free beef at the beach...
When I arrived I realized it was a bay-con.
Space Puns
What does someone mean by a light year? The same as a regular year, but with less calories and fat.
Corny Jokes
Me: I just burned 2000 calories in 20 minutes.
Friend: How?
Me: I forgot to take my brownies out of the oven.
Mushroom Puns
I am still trying to launch beef and cream out of a mushroom cannon. It is not stroganoff.
The Super Wife
Sam and his wife Rachel were playing golf at the club when she drove a 300 yard tee shot straight down the fairway. Sam said, 'Wow I have never seen you play this well before!' 'I took lessons.' Says Rachel. A couple of days later on the tennis court in mixed doubles, she smashes her serves and never misses a point. Sam said to her: 'Wow I have never seen you hit so well before!' 'I took lessons.' Says Rachel. On the weekend they settled into a nice dinner at home. Rachel brings out the perfect plates of Beef Wellington and Sam says, 'Delicious! I have never seen you cook like this before!' 'I took lessons.' Says Rachel. After dinner she gives him THAT look and they go upstairs. About 30 minutes later Sam rolls over and says 'Wow! That was incredible, amazing, so hot... I want a divorce.'
Cow Puns
The only difference between pea soup and roast beef is anyone can roast beef.
India is a very peaceful country.
Because nobody has any beef over there.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
Where did the bull carry his stock-market report?
In his beef case
The Secret Service surround the President with twelve cows because they were attempting to beef up their security.
Funny Running Quotes
"If you run 100 miles a week, you can eat anything you want. Why? Because (a) you'll burn all the calories you consume, (b) you deserve it, and (c) you'll be injured soon and back on a restricted diet anyway."
Don Kardong
Taco Puns
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?
Sloppy José