What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
Birthdays are sometimes hard to observe
Many people think they are for the birds.
Well, when I look at your age
I can see why you are at that stage.
Where did the years go
Another birthday, oh no
It only seemed like yesterday
We celebrated your birthday.
Oh who cares about age
Don't let it discourage
Be happy and just say
It is just another day!
(Catherine Pulsifer)
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I’ve got five fingers,
Guess which one is for you?
Haikus confuse me
Too often they make no sense
hand me the pliers.
Fifty is ten past forty
Age is but a number and counting time tends to bore me.
What do you call a fish with no eye?
FSH!
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
"Grandparent Rap"
It's Grandparents' Day and we're here to say,
"We love our Grandparents in a major way."
So sit right down and take a seat,
And we'll put on a show that can't be beat!
Some Grandparents are skinny. Some eat a lot.
Some are funny. Some are not.
Some short, some tall, some big, some small.
It doesn't matter. We love them all.
I wrote down a list of everyone I hate on a piece of paper and my roommate use it to roll his joint....
He's now high on the list of people I never want to see again.
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.
I gaze at you in awe,
Your beauty leaves me speechless,
I long for your touch,
And I yearn for your kiss.
I can wait no longer,
I can’t leave my heart on the shelf,
Oh whoops, I’m sorry,
I forgot to introduce myself!
What do you call a man who expects to have se* on the second date? Patient!
What do you call it when the preacher passes gas during his sermon?
A blast from the pastor.
It’s so cold my shadow ended up freezing on the sidewalk.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was "Always."
A father was buying bass lessons for his son.
After the 1st week, the father asked him what he had learned. The son said, "On my 1st lesson, we learned about the E string."
The 2nd week came, and after the lesson, the father asked what had he learned that week. The son said, "On my 2nd lesson, I learned about the A string."
When the 3rd week came by, the father said to his son, "You know these are expensive lessons. What have you learned this week?"
The son said, "I quit the lessons. I already got a gig."
It’s so cold Levi Strauss started making electric jeans.
There was an Old Person of Rhodes,
Who strongly objected to toads;
He paid several cousins,
To catch them by the dozens,
That futile Old Person of Rhodes.
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
There was an Old Man with a beard,
Who said, 'It is just as I feared!
Two Owls and a Hen,
Four Larks and a Wren,
Have all built their nests in my beard!'
It was so hot that my gold jewelry melted.
After a day of entertaining the troops, the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders meet with the base commander to discuss the rest of the evening.
“Would you girls like to mess with the enlisted men or the officers this evening?” the commander asks.
“I don’t think it matters to the ladies,” the head cheerleader says, “but I’m sure a lot of the girls would like to get something to eat first.”
I'm much funnier.
when I am drunk off my butt.
sadly, I'm sober.
There was a Young Lady whose chin,
Resembled the point of a pin.
So she had it made sharp,
And purchased a harp,
And played several tunes with her chin.
According to my therapist, I have extreme trouble verbalizing my emotions.
Can’t say I’m surprised.
How to spell the potato has tried
Many minds, sometimes mine, I’ll confide.
Though it may have an eye,
There’s no E – don’t ask why!
Not until it’s been baked, boiled or fried.
The midget fortune teller who kills his customers is a small medium at large.
Why was John always at the casino? He’s addicted to gambling.
Limericks I cannot compose,
With noxious smells in my nose.
But this one was easy,
I only felt queasy,
Because I was sniffing my toes.
Go to BabaMail
