What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."