Often

People often accuse me of "stealing other's jokes" and being "a plagiarist." Their words not mine.
A blond pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died.
After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly.
"What's the story?" she asked.
"Just crap in the carburetor," the mechanic replied.
"How often do I have to do that?" asked the blond.
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
Why doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job? He still ends up with the same boss.
Why did the bat often use mouthwash? She had bat breath.
I have been saying "mucho" more often while talking to my Hispanic friends
It means a lot to them.
People often accuse me of “stealing other’s jokes” and being “a plagiarist.”
Their words, not mine.
Which hotel do mice most often use?
The Stilton.
Do you comma here often?
Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
Haikus confuse me
Too often they make no sense
hand me the pliers.
An elderly gentleman pulls up his sweatpants, shuffles into the bar, sidles up to a sweet young thing maybe one fourth his age, and with his most winning smile, asks
"Do I come here often?"
Funny Inspirational and Motivational Quotes
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.”
Zig Ziglar
Hey Steve, do you shower after sex?
Well yes Bob, I do.
Great, can you please get laid more often?
Why do owls shower so often?
So they don’t smell fowl.