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Large Jokes

Shopping for a Psychic
Shopping for a Psychic In a small town there lived a gypsy psychic, who was known to read minds, do divinations etc. One day, she went to shop for clothes. After trying all kinds of outfits, a sales person approached her and asked if she can bring her some things. "Sure." Said the psychic, and the girl went to get her dresses. When she came back, the psychic looked at the clothes and then raised an eyebrow. "There is no way these will fit me, they are all 'Large'!" "I've been working at this a while," said the sales girl, "believe me, I think these will fit you." "Nope. No way." said the psychic. "How do you know if you haven't even tried them on?" Said the frustrated girl. "Trust me," said the psychic, "I'm a medium."
Family Puns
I ordered won ton for my large family today.
2000 lbs of soup goes a long way.
Gorilla Puns
Q. What do you call a gorilla who studies large primates and has great grades?
A. Ape lust student.
What do you call a large gorilla who appears to be in a bad mood?
Sir.
Irish Puns
I am happy that the arrangements for St Patrick's day are going great. The large bottles of green soda look pitcher-perfect.
Hard Drive Puns
Why was the hard drive scared of the large file?
Because it was a terror-byte.
Toaster Puns
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
Funny Animal Quotes
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
Food Poems
Roses are red, pizza sauce is too,
I ordered a large one, I’m not sharing with you.
Pot Puns
My wife won a large ceramic pot
She definitely urned it.
Gnome Puns
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Funny Work Quotes
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?"
~ J. Paul Getty
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?” — J. Paul Getty
Funny Money Quotes
“If only God would give me a clear sign, like making a large deposit in my swiss bank account." ~ Woody Allen
"There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one." ~ Jack Yelton
Deer Puns
What did the large baby deer say when he met his favorite celebrity?
“I’m a big fawn!”
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