Honest Jokes

My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
My fat parrot escaped from its cage... To be honest, it's a weight off my shoulders!
How does an otter get into an honest business? Usually through the skylight.
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
I was talking to my friend and he asked me, “As a young boy was your mom strict with you?” I told him, “To be honest,...
“...my mother was never a young boy.”
I left my job at the keyboard factory today. To be honest, I had been looking for an Escape for a while.
“People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The problem is they want a week’s pay for it.” – Joey Adams
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
I always wanted to keep my wisdom teeth but I just went to the dentist and it looks like they're gonna have to be removed...
To be honest this is pretty de-molar-izing.
Some folks came to my door this morning and asked if I would consider being a Jehovah's Witness.
I had to be honest and told them I hadn't seen the accident.
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
"There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook."
The Businessman and the Fortune Teller A businessman needs a new lease on life, so he goes to see a fortune teller and asks him what his future would look like if he became an artist. To the man's surprise, the fortune teller pulls out a large pipe, takes a hit, then looks into her crystal ball and says "dim and poor, don't bother." So the businessman asks him about his second choice, carpentry. The fortune teller takes a hit of her pipe, looks into her crystal ball, and says "better, but still not good." Finally, the businessman asks him how his life would go if he became an accountant. The fortune teller takes a hit of her pipe, looks into her crystal ball and says "best choice so far, but don't you have larger hopes than that?" The businessman says "thank you madam, how much do I owe you?" The fortune teller replies, "You asked three questions, so that will be three thousand dollars." "Three thousand dollars!" the businessman exclaims, "but I was only here for a few minutes!" The fortune teller points to her pipe and says "this stuff's not cheap, but to be honest I do keep most of it. You're a businessman, you understand." When the businessman gets home, he sees his wife and he says "honey, I'm going into the fortune-telling business." "Why's that?" she asks. He replies, "the high prophet margin!"
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
I have no idea what I'm doing with eyeliner
To be honest, I just wing it.
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