First we lived in kingdoms run by Kings, then Empires run by Emperors
Now we live in Countries...
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.

Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
I quit my job as a scuba diving instructor after my first day at work.
Deep down I realized it wasn’t for me.
When the first nuclear bomb was detonated all the neutrons were sad.
Because their parents had just split.
I got fired on my first day as a car salesman.
Customer: "Cargo space?"
Me (speaking slowly): "No, not space.. Car go ROAD."
Manager: " Can I see you in my office?"
Jokes are a lot like American football.
If you haven't gotten anywhere with the first three tries, you'll need to rely on your punner.
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
The first rule of Tautology club is the first rule of Tautology club.
The Wifi Password
The Wifi Password A man goes into a bar in the airport and asks the bartender what the password is to their wi-fi. Bartender: You need to buy a drink first. Me: Okay, I'll have a coke. Bartender: Is Pepsi okay? Me: Sure. How much is that? Bartender: $3 Me: There you go. So, what's the wi-fi password? Bartender: You need to buy a drink first. No spaces, all lowercase.
“Thank you, 2:30 in the morning, for always being the first sign that tomorrow’s gonna suck.”
Jimmy Fallon
“The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.”
Joan Rivers
“When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.”
Rita Rudner
“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.”
W. C. Fields
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.”
Will Ferrell
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.