Cut Jokes

My doctor told me to cut down on red meat.
So, could you brown it up a bit?
What cut of meat do you get from an extremely tired butcher?
A filet mid-yawn
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
Do We Know Each Other?
Do We Know Each Other? Two men are standing at the urinal, doing their business, when one starts to strike up a conversation. "Excuse me, sir, do you happen to be Jewish?" "Yes, indeed I am." "And do you happen to be from Krakow?" "Yes, how do you know?" "And you always went to the little synagogue in the Pitliwsky road? "Yes, do we know each other?" "No, but Rabbi Goldberg was responsible for the Bris there, and he was infamous for not being able to make a straight cut." "What does that have to do with anything?" "You're peeing on my shoes."
"Parents are the bones on which children cut their teeth." – Peter Ustinov
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
"When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, 'Four. I don't think I can eat eight."
— Yogi Berra
What does a skeleton use to cut through objects?
A shoulder blade.
Why do cherry trees smell?
Because George Washington cut one.
You couldn't cut the s*xual tension in here with a Yellowknife.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
I found my friend using a round-edged knife to cut his steak
it wasn't really sharp of him.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
I cut down a tree in my yard, but I don't know what to do next.
I'm stumped!
Did you hear about the goblin that got his left arm and left leg cut off?
Well don't worry, he's all right now.
And What Does YOUR Father Do?
And What Does YOUR Father Do? It was a regular day at first grade, and the teacher asked all the students to tell her something about what their parents do for a living. Some kids knew and gave a good description, while others didn't really understand their parents' jobs and gave vague descriptions or none at all. When they got to little Johnny, he stood up and said: "My dad cuts people in half." "Oh, really?" asked the teacher with a smile, "You mean he's a magician?" "I don't know." Said Johnny. "A surgeon, maybe?" asked the teacher. "I don't know." repeated Johnny. "Then why do you think he cuts people in half?" asked the confused teacher. "Because I have two half brothers and three half sisters."
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