Jokes > Tags > Cut


How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
You're so ugly after the doctor cut your cord he hung himself with it.
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
A man awoke in a hospital bed after a brutal accident. He shouted “doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!”
The doctor replied “I know you can’t, I’ve cut off your arms.“
I cut a dill with this spicy mami, but at the last minute she ginger mind.
How does a restaurant get the freshest ingredients? They cut a dill.
It's better to amputate at the shoulder,
Its twice as much work to cut off forearms.
What do you call a t-shirt with cut off arms?
An amputee.
How do you cut an ocean in half?
With a seasaw!
My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left arm and left leg cut off?
That’s okay, he’s all-right now!
Nurse: Wow, that cut looks pretty bad...want me to stitch it up for you?
Me: No, thanks.

Nurse: Fine. Suture self.
If you ever have to defuse a bomb, never cut...
The Blew wire.