It’s so hot my campfire lit itself.
It’s so hot the Statue of Liberty was asked to lower her arm.
It’s so hot that I have taken to leaving the toilet seat up just to get those chilling, icy stares from my wife.
It’s so hot the catfish are already fried when you catch them.
It’s so hot I almost called my ex so I could be around something shady.
It's so hot that all the water buffalo at the zoo evaporated.
It’s so hot they installed a fan in the debt ceiling.
It was so hot that my gold jewelry melted.
It’s so hot I saw a heatwave and I waved back.
It’s so hot outside I just saw two hobbits throw a ring off my roof.
It’s so hot Jehovah’s Witnesses started telemarketing.
It’s so hot you can pull a leaf off a tree and iron with it.
It’s so hot ice pops are melting in the freezer.
It’s so hot I’m sweating like a politician on election day.
It's so hot out that my sweat is sweating.
It’s so hot I got condensation on my backside from the water in the toilet bowl.
It’s so hot everyone is wearing sweat pants.
It’s so hot I saw a cop chasing a thief and they were both walking.
It’s so hot the trees are whistling for the dogs.
It’s so hot the frozen pizza I bought at the grocery store was ready to eat by the time I got home.
It's so hot I saw an Amish guy buy an air conditioner.
It’s so hot I started putting ice cubes in my waterbed.
It’s so hot I discovered my seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
It’s so hot I bought a loaf of bread and by the time I got home, it was toast.
It’s so hot I saw the Devil in Wal-Mart buying an air conditioner.
It’s so hot that the only waves at the beach were heatwaves.
It's so hot that you can fry an egg on the sidewalk!
It’s so hot that corn on the stalks starts popping.
It’s so hot the best parking place is determined by the shade instead of the distance.
It’s so hot I saw a squirrel picking up nuts with potholders.
It’s so hot that I renamed my pig “Bacon.”
It’s so hot that my chocolate milk is now hot cocoa.
It’s so hot you need a spatula to remove your clothing.
It’s so hot all the sand on the beach is now glass.
It’s so hot my thermometer goes up to “Are you kidding me?”
It’s so hot Optimus Prime transformed into an air conditioner.
It’s so hot the cows are producing evaporated milk.
It’s so hot I saw two hydrants fight over a dog.
It’s so hot you discover that it only takes 2 fingers to drive your car.
It’s so hot that my sprinkler released steam.
It's so hot, I saw a guy with a sign that said, "Will work for shade."
It’s so hot Adam and Eve traded their fig leaves for ice cubes.
It’s so hot that farmers are feeding ice to the chickens so they won’t lay boiled eggs.
It’s so hot polar bears are wearing sunscreen.
It’s so hot that the oven got jealous.
It’s so hot the birds are using oven mitts to pull worms out of the ground.
It’s so hot McDonald’s is frying burgers on parked cars.
It’s so hot I saw a chicken lay an omelet.
It’s so hot my dream house is an igloo.
It's so hot that I went to hell just to cool off.
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