It’s so hot that I’m using Celsius instead of Fahrenheit just to have a lower number.
It’s so hot I discovered my seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
It’s so hot everyone is wearing sweat pants.
It’s so hot all the sand on the beach is now glass.
It’s so hot that Tabasco sauce tastes mild.
It’s so hot that the oven got jealous.
It’s so hot my thermometer goes up to “Are you kidding me?”
It’s so hot McDonald’s is frying burgers on parked cars.
It’s so hot your clothes iron themselves.
It’s so hot Adam and Eve traded their fig leaves for ice cubes.
It's so hot, I saw a guy with a sign that said, "Will work for shade."
It’s so hot chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
It’s so hot I saw a chicken lay an omelet.
It’s so hot you realize asphalt has a liquid state.
It’s so hot I saw a cop chasing a thief and they were both walking.
It’s so hot I set the house on fire just to cool off.
It’s so hot my dream house is an igloo.
It’s so hot even the artificial flowers are dying.
It’s so hot you can pull a leaf off a tree and iron with it.
It’s so hot I saw a heatwave and I waved back.
It’s so hot they installed a fan in the debt ceiling.
It’s so hot ice pops are melting in the freezer.
It’s so hot I started putting ice cubes in my waterbed.
It’s so hot the best parking place is determined by the shade instead of the distance.
It’s so hot I saw two hydrants fight over a dog.
It’s so hot Optimus Prime transformed into an air conditioner.
It was so hot that my gold jewelry melted.
It’s so hot that I renamed my pig “Bacon.”
It's so hot that all the water buffalo at the zoo evaporated.
It’s so hot that you can’t make a chili dog.
It’s so hot polar bears are wearing sunscreen.
It’s so hot all chocolate is hot chocolate.
It’s so hot the trees are whistling for the dogs.
It’s so hot I almost called my ex so I could be around something shady.
It’s so hot that you can poach eggs in a pool.
It's so hot outside the ice cream man just change the sign on the side of his truck to "cream."
It’s so hot that the clams were already steamed when I dug them up.
It’s so hot even my wife’s heart is melting.
It's so hot out that I cleaned my fridge just so I could hang out in my fridge for a while.
It’s so hot my campfire lit itself.
It's so hot that you can fry an egg on the sidewalk!
It’s so hot I got condensation on my backside from the water in the toilet bowl.
It’s so hot the catfish are already fried when you catch them.
It’s so hot I bought a loaf of bread and by the time I got home, it was toast.
It’s so hot firecrackers light themselves.
It’s so hot that I have taken to leaving the toilet seat up just to get those chilling, icy stares from my wife.
It’s so hot that my kite crashed and burned.
It’s so hot that corn on the stalks starts popping.
It’s so hot you need a spatula to remove your clothing.
It’s so hot that farmers are feeding ice to the chickens so they won’t lay boiled eggs.
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