It's so cold that you might have to chop up the piano for firewood (although you’ll only get two chords).
It's so cold that polar bears wear jackets.
It’s so cold the police told a robber to freeze, and he really did.
It was so cold when I turned on the shower, I got hail.
It’s so cold I swapped my pillow for a grill.
It's so cold that when cows are milked, ice cream comes out.
It’s so cold our hats have turned into ice caps.
It’s so cold that even the ATM shows minus.
It’s so cold you could rob me with a bucket of water right now!!
It’s so cold that I’m breathing out snowflakes!
It's so cold that people started chipping their teeth on soup!
It’s so cold that even the snowmen are wearing sweaters!
It’s so cold mailmen watch out for both dogs and polar bears.
It's so cold that you have to open the fridge to heat the house.
It’s so cold the anticipation of waiting for my ketchup to come out of the bottle lasted three months.
It’s so cold teenagers began to worry about getting goosebumps rather than acne.
It’s so cold the flames of our fire froze.
It's so cold that Starbucks started serving coffee on a stick.
It’s so cold the school nurse has to use a steamer to remove the instruments from the lips of the brass band members after the concert.
It's so cold that the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses.
It’s so cold ice cubes are coming out of my tap.
It’s so cold it’s colder than any room packed with ex-wives.
It’s so cold a glacier was seen heading slowly down the main street of our town.
It was so cold when I blinked my eyes froze shut.
It’s so cold people with spiked hair were being arrested for carrying around a dangerous weapon.
It’s so cold we were afraid to spit because it can ricochet.
It’s so cold I tried to take out the garbage, but it refused to go.
It's so cold that the band changed their name to Red Cold Chili Peppers.
It was so cold firemen couldn’t get the people out of the burning building because it was warm.
It’s so cold cops are tasering themselves.
It’s so cold we had to chisel the dog off a lamp post.
It was so cold the mice were playing ice hockey in the toilet bowl.
It’s so cold I left Starbuck with mocha lattes and by the time I got to the car I had fudgicles.
It’s so cold we have to put skates on just to move around the house.
It’s so cold travel agencies are advertising tropical holidays to Alaska.
It’s so cold that Grandpa’s teeth are chattering – in the glass!
It’s so cold that bed bugs promised not to bite you as long as they can snuggle in your pajamas.
It’s so cold walruses were visiting the hardware store in search of more insulation.
It was so cold that I saw a Greyhound bus and the dog was riding on the inside.
It’s so cold mum used a saw to serve us milk.
It’s so cold I had to eat ice cream just to warm up.
It's so cold that the rock rattling around in your shoe is your toe.
It’s so cold that the snowflakes froze in the air and birds used them as stepping stones to get from tree to tree.
It’s so cold the rats in the alley were bribing the cats for a snuggle.
It’s so cold we have to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our clothes!
It’s so cold dogs are wearing cats.
It’s so cold that even the polar bears started drinking hot chocolate.
It’s so cold that Jack Frost changed his name to Jack Froze.
It’s so cold that when I dialed the emergency number, there was a recording that said to call back in spring.
It’s so cold pet stores sell hamsters, gerbils, and penguins.
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