It’s so cold chickens are rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!
It’s so cold we had to stop eating with metal cutlery. Some people walked around for days with spoons or forks stuck to their tongues!
It was so cold when I turned on the shower, I got hail.
It's so cold that trees are chopping themselves into firewood.
It's so cold that you might have to chop up the piano for firewood (although you’ll only get two chords).
It’s so cold you could rob me with a bucket of water right now!!
It’s so cold that bed bugs promised not to bite you as long as they can snuggle in your pajamas.
It’s so cold I saw a gangsta with his pants pulled up.
It’s so cold my money turned into cold, hard cash.
It’s so cold walruses were visiting the hardware store in search of more insulation.
It’s so cold sheep were demanding their wool back.
It’s so cold I swapped my pillow for a grill.
It's so cold that Starbucks started serving coffee on a stick.
It was so cold that I saw a Greyhound bus and the dog was riding on the inside.
It's so cold that people started chipping their teeth on soup!
It’s so cold every kind of cereal in the cupboard is frosted – including the boxes!
It’s so cold my hat wrapped itself in a scarf.
It’s so cold we were afraid to spit because it can ricochet.
It's so cold that the rock rattling around in your shoe is your toe.
It’s so cold Levi Strauss started making electric jeans.
It’s so cold that even the snowmen are wearing sweaters!
It’s so cold the cosmetics counter at the local department store started selling cream for goosebumps.
It’s so cold that I’m breathing out snowflakes!
It’s so cold my shadow ended up freezing on the sidewalk.
It’s so cold I tried to take out the garbage, but it refused to go.
It’s so cold teenagers began to worry about getting goosebumps rather than acne.
It’s so cold we had to punch a hole in the air just to get outside.
It’s so cold ice cubes are coming out of my tap.
It was so cold that we pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside to keep warm.
It was so cold the mice were playing ice hockey in the toilet bowl.
It was so cold when I blinked my eyes froze shut.
It’s so cold the flames of our fire froze.
It’s so cold our hats have turned into ice caps.
It’s so cold that the Statue of Liberty put her torch inside her dress!
It’s so cold I left Starbuck with mocha lattes and by the time I got to the car I had fudgicles.
It’s so cold mailmen watch out for both dogs and polar bears.
It’s so cold we have to put skates on just to move around the house.
It’s so cold cops are tasering themselves.
It’s so cold the local graveyard put heaters out for the ghosts.
It's so cold that people look forward to getting a fever.
It’s so cold a glacier was seen heading slowly down the main street of our town.
It’s so cold I actually enjoyed someone spilling hot coffee in my lap.
It’s so cold it’s colder than any room packed with ex-wives.
It’s so cold we had to chisel the dog off a lamp post.
It’s so cold pickpockets are sticking their hands in strangers’ pockets just to keep them warm.
It’s so cold kids are using a new excuse to stay up late: “But Mom, my pajamas haven’t thawed out yet!”
It's so cold that the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses.
It’s so cold people with spiked hair were being arrested for carrying around a dangerous weapon.
It’s so cold the rats in the alley were bribing the cats for a snuggle.
It’s so cold I walk to school with a toaster in my pants.
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