Haikus are easy.
But sometimes they don't make sense.
University.

A canner, exceedingly canny,
One morning remarked to his granny.
A canner can can,
Anything that he can,
But a canner can't can a can, can he?.

Taking a romantic ride today,
We sat upon the wagon.
Suddenly the horse lifted his tail
And we heard a roaring dragon!

The deafening sound hurt my ears
And the smell burned the hairs in my nose.
My girlfriend sat and glared at me.
Somehow my fault I suppose.

It was my idea to take the ride,
But how was I to know?
It really wasn't in my plans;
Didn't know the horse would blow.

The noise and the smell were bad enough,
As the wind blew quickly by.
But I think the very worst of it,
Was the brown stuff in my eye.

My girlfriend's face turned angry red.
So I figured I wouldn't dare,
Advise her of the smelly pieces
Of horse stuff in her hair.

The horse finally stopped; my girl ran away,
Stubbornly lifting her chin.
I think that horse was enjoying himself,
Cause I'm sure I saw him grin.

A lesson learned for me today.
Although I must confess,
I laughed so hard I nearly cried
As I wiped away the mess.

(by Annabel Sheila)

There was an Old Person of Dean,
Who dined on one pea and one bean;
For he said,
"More than that would make me too fat,"
That cautious Old Person of Dean.

It’s your birthday at last
You’re getting old fast
Each year whizzes by
Oh how time does fly
So put on your skates
And have a quick blast
Before it’s too late
And your whole life has passed

There was an Old Man of Peru,
Who watched his wife making a stew;
But once by mistake,
In a stove she did bake,
That unfortunate Man of Peru.

"The Theoretic Turtle"

The theoretic turtle started out to see the toad;
He came to a stop at a liberty-pole in the middle of the road.
“Now how, in the name of the spouting whale,” the indignant turtle cried,
“Can I climb this perpendicular cliff, and get on the other side?
If I only could make a big balloon, I’d lightly over it fly;
Or a very long ladder might reach the top, though it does look fearfully high.
If a beaver were in my place, he’d gnaw a passage through with his teeth;
I can’t do that, but I can dig a tunnel and pass beneath.”
He was digging his tunnel, with might and main, when a dog looked down at the hole.
“The easiest way, my friend,” said he, “is to walk around the pole.”

– Amos R. Wells

When my cat sleeps, he snoozes
Inside the laundry basket,
Or on top of a tree,
Crammed inside a shelf,
Where no-one can see.
In empty shopping bags,
And cartons made of cardboard,
On piles of books and newspapers,
And suitcases that are stored.
Curled up under furniture,
In places we’d never think to look.
Or nestled behind a flower pot,
In a hard to find nook.
Since my cat sleeps for at least sixteen hours each day
He must be bored of sleeping in the same old way!

(Santhini Govindan)

Lots of people have a rug.
Very few have a Pug.

(E.B White)

“Father”

My father knows the proper way
The nation should be run;
He tells us children every day
Just what should now be done.
He knows the way to fix the trusts,
He has a simple plan;
But if the furnace needs repairs,
We have to hire a man.

– Edgar Albert Guest

You’re my love and angel,
You’re my sugar and honey,
You’re my jewel and treasure,
I’m broke and in need money.

(Unknown)

If I were a furry bear.
And had a furry tummy.
I'd climb into a honey jar
And make my tummy yummy!

Roses are red
violets are blue.
I hate poems
even more than I hate you.

I sat on the pin.
It did not give me a grin.
Buy some marmalade.

A funny old bird is a pelican.
His beak can hold more than his belican.
Food for a week
He can hold in his beak,
But I don’t know how the helican.

(Dixon Lanier Merritt)

I love you in the mornings.
You hold me tight and ask for five more minutes.
Then when it’s time to go, you don’t let go.
I start to stress and tell you to get dressed.
Dog socks,
Slippers,
Underwear,
Athletic shorts,
Polo shirt.
You are a sight to see.
But I love you most, in the mornings.

As for beauty I am not a star,
There are others much more handsome by far.
But my face - I don't mind it,
For I am behind it,
It's the people in front that I jar.

If a person would have several friends,
here's the thing upon which it depends;
are you willing to share
when there isn't much there
and burn up your day from both ends.

(By Steve Mckee)

There was a Young Lady of Troy,
Whom several large flies did annoy;
Some she killed with a thump,
Some she drowned at the pump,
And some she took with her to Troy.

"Sweet Treat Dream"

If my world were made of chocolate,
I know what I would do.
I'd make a chocolate mountain
And share it all with you.

We'd eat our way up to the top
Until we'd eaten every drop.
Then chocolate clouds and chocolate rain
Would float us back to Earth again.

Chocolate fields and chocolate trees,
Chocolate rivers and chocolate seas,
Chocolate people and chocolate cars,
And houses made of chocolate bars.

Chocolate coats and chocolate hats,
Chocolate dogs and chocolate cats,
Chocolate castles. Oh, what a dream.
I would be known as the Chocolate Queen.

But there's one thing that would never do,
And I know for sure that this is true.
An end would be put to all our fun
If our world had a chocolate sun!

– Gillian M. Ward

The lobster and the crab one day
Proposed a friendly race.
Agreed upon the time were they,
Agreed upon the place.
The start and finish lines were where
The two thought they should be.
The crayfish with a clock was there
To act as referee.
And though the rule-book then was read,
Not all was clarified;
For as the lobster forward sped
The crab went to the side.
(Jeffrey Krise)

There was a Young Lady whose eyes,
Were unique as to colour and size;
When she opened them wide,
People all turned aside,
And started away in surprise.

Roses are brown
Violets are brown
Who crapped in my garden?

"The Crocodile"

How doth the little crocodile
Improve his shining tail,
And pour the waters of the Nile
On every golden scale!
How cheerfully he seems to grin,
How neatly spreads his claws,
And welcomes little fishes in,
With gently smiling jaws!

– Lewis Carroll

There was a dear lady of Eden,
Who on apples was quite fond of feedin’;
She gave one to Adam,
Who said, “Thank you, Madam,”
And then both skedaddled from Eden.

Twinkle twinkle little star,
went out with a guy to the bar.
He bought me one and bought me two
but I ended up with Hugh.

The lobster and the crab one day
Proposed a friendly race.
Agreed upon the time were they,
Agreed upon the place.
The start and finish lines were where
The two thought they should be.
The crayfish with a clock was there
To act as referee.
And though the rule-book then was read,
Not all was clarified;
For as the lobster forward sped
The crab went to the side.

(Jeffrey Krise)

I own a big fat cat-
The fattest for miles around.
Wherever there's lots of food,
That's where he'll be found.

He's really good at eating.
It's a talent, I suppose.
I'm sure if he keeps at it
He'd win the talent shows.

I own a big fat cat-
He weighs at least a ton.
He couldn't run to save his life.
Yes, he isn't much fun.

His favourite room's the kitchen.
(I'm sure we all know why.)
He eats just about everything,
So that's why, with a sigh...

I'd like to tell you, Teacher,
I'd like to tell you straight,
I might have "accidentally" dropped
My homework in his plate.

(By Christian M. Mitewu)

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Who is your Daddy,
And what does he do?

"The Fly"

God in his wisdom made the fly
And then forgot to tell us why.

– Ogden Nash

There was a Young Lady whose nose,
Was so long that it reached to her toes;
So she hired an Old Lady,
Whose conduct was steady,
To carry that wonderful nose.

There was a Young Lady of Wales,
Who caught a large fish without scales;
When she lifted her hook
She exclaimed, 'Only look!'
That ecstatic Young Lady of Wales.

What's with this Daylight Savings Time?
It steals our sleeping, snoozing time
Roll out of bed and take a breath
And feel like microwaved-reheated death

Seven o'clock? That just can't be
It's way too dark out there to see
Coffee? Yes, I need two cups
To get my sluggish body up

And hit the road before the sun
For Monday's way-too-early "fun"
It's lunchtime? HUH? I just GOT here!
My head is just now barely clear

Afternoon meeting? How can that be?
I thought it was one...HOW IS IT THREE???
The end of day has almost come
The day flew by...it's almost done!

Five o'clock, well that's just fine!
I LIKE this daylight Savings Time!

(By Rick W. Cotton)

There was a young lady from Niger,
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger.
They came back from the ride,
With the lady inside,
And the smile on the face of the tiger.

There was an Old Man on some rocks,
Who shut his wife up in a box;
When she said, 'Let me out!'
He exclaimed, 'Without doubt,
You will pass all your life in that box.'

There was a Young Lady of Lucca,
Whose lovers completely forsook her;
She ran up a tree,
And said, 'Fiddle-de-dee!'
Which embarassed the people of Lucca.

I made myself a snowball
As perfect as could be.
I thought I'd keep it as a pet
And let it sleep with me.
I made it some pajamas
And a pillow for its head.
Then last night it ran away,
But first it wet the bed.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
A face like yours,
Belongs in a zoo.

"Dust"

The grey dust runs on the ground like a mouse,
Over the doorstep and into the house,
Under the bedsteads and tables and chairs,
Up to the rooms at the top of the stairs,
Down to the cellar, across the brick floor-
There! It is off again by the back door!
Never a mousetrap can catch the grey mouse
Who keeps the brooms busy all over the house!

– P. A. Ropess

Why did we get sunglasses for you?
Well, we know what is true.
When the candles on your cake are lit
It will be bright we will admit.

(Theodore Higgingsworth)

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Your phone is smart,
So why aren’t you?

There once was a vicar at Kew
Who kept his pet cat in a pew.
He taught it to speak
alphabetical Greek,
but it never got farther than µ.

A young schoolgirl named Rose,
Is rather ashamed of her nose.
She distracts people's stares,
With the mice that she wears,
Hanging down from her clothes.

"The Little Turtle"

There was a little turtle.
He lived in a box.
He swam in a puddle.
He climbed on the rocks.

He snapped at a mosquito.
He snapped at a flea.
He snapped at a minnow.
And he snapped at me.

He caught the mosquito.
He caught the flea.
He caught the minnow.
But he didn’t catch me.

– Vachel Lindsay

An extremely slim model, Miss Slater,
Was attacked by a croc and it ate 'er.
Said her trainer, Tough deal,
What a horrible meal,
We should throw it some greens and potater.

oses are red, violets are blue,
Coffee is bitter, and so are you.

"Dear Brother of Mine"

Happy birthday,
dear brother of mine,
You're just a year older,
which is perfectly fine.

There's no reason,
to worry nor stress.
Just relax,
and go play some chess.

I'm not saying,
your birthday should be boring.
You wouldn't want,
your guests to start snoring.

But keep in mind,
this day is all yours.
So forget about,
doing those chores.

Happy birthday,
dear brother of mine.
Enjoy your birthday,
the next one is mine.

My dear, I love you so much it hurts,
I ache to be close to you.
My heart beats wildly out my chest,
Without you I’m so sad and blue.
I’m dizzy with love, I fear being apart,
And despite the pain, I’ve got to say,
Please tell me that you know CPR, my dear,
Because you’ve taken my breath away.

I like kittens, YEAH!
They are really fluffy, YEAH!
OMG KITTENS.

Browsing my feed
I’m delighted to see
your new girlfriend is
the ugly version of me.
(Samantha Jayne)