What do you call a horse that moves around a lot?
Unstable.
I've just watched a T.V. documentary about beavers.
It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
Why did the coffee go to the police?
It got mugged.
Have you seen the picture of Mount Rushmore before it was carved
It’s completely unprecedented.
My mum bought me a really cheap dictionary for my birthday.
I couldn't find the words to thank her.
I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought...
"That's just spam."
Who was the roundest knight at King Arthur's round table?
Sir Cumference.
My son just said to me that he doesn't understand cloning.
I said, "That makes two of us".
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
My wife screamed in pain during labor.
I asked, “What’s wrong?”.
She screamed. “These contractions are killing me!!”
“I am sorry, honey.” I replied. “What is wrong?”
What do you call a woman who sounds like an ambulance?
Nina.
Why do Norwegians build their own tables?
No Ikea!
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
Why do chicken coops have 2 doors?
Because if they had four doors they would be chicken sedans
One day, a fourteen-year-old weasel walked into a local pub. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are underaged. I can’t serve you beer.”
The weasel asks, “What can I have?” The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel..
When is a cow hairy on the inside and the outside at the same time?
When it's stood in the doorway of the barn.
I tried to have a conversation with my wife when she was applying a mud pack.
You should have seen the filthy look she gave me.
What is E.T. short for?
So he can fit in his little spaceship.
The circle is just the most ridiculous shape in the world.
There's absolutely no point to it.
What do you call an old person with really good hearing?
Deaf defying.
When's the best time to go to the dentist?
Tooth hurt-y.
Which side of a deer has the best meat?
The inside.
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