Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Waldo once insulted chuck norris.
And we all know how THAT'S going.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris fell into a black hole.
The black hole couldn't escape.
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him
So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?
He played the force.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?
"you, you and you, get out."
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child.
Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.