Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child.
Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki.
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.