Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
Chuck Norris’ tears can cure you of the coronavirus.
Too bad he doesn’t cry.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
When Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity... he got it back.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.
That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child.
Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Waldo once insulted chuck norris.
And we all know how THAT'S going.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him
So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.