When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?
He played the force.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
When Chuck Norris goes skydiving
the earth falls toward him.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
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