The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child.
Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
Waldo once insulted chuck norris.
And we all know how THAT'S going.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?
He played the force.
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,
he turns the dark off.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
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