Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
Chuck Norris’ tears can cure you of the coronavirus.
Too bad he doesn’t cry.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris was bitten by the worlds most venemous snake.
After hours of excruciating pain and misery, the snake died.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.
That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
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