What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell, she has a grenade in her hand.
A blonde goes to a soda machine.
She puts in a dollar and gets a soda.
She does this again and again.
A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long.
She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? Because she wanted to measure how long he slept.
Why did the blonde only tie one shoe? Because on the bottom it said "Taiwan" (Tie one)
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? They can't remember the number.
Why do blondes wear ponytails? To hide the valve stem!
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
Why did the blond softball team always eat at Taco Bell before a game?
So they'd get more runs than the opponents.
How does a blonde kill a worm?
She buries it.
Why did the blonde take a camera to bed? To record what she was going to dream that night.
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.
What do you call a blonde holding a balloon? Siamese twins
There was this guy who was married to a blonde, and each night he came home with a new blonde joke.
One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn't dumb.
She spent the whole next day learning all her states and capitals.
That night when he got home he told his joke.
She says, "I'm not so dumb. I know all of the states and capitals. Go ahead, quiz me."
He thought for a moment and asked, "What is the capital of Massachusetts?"
She quickly replied, "M"!
What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? She moved.
How do you drown a blonde? Tape a mirror to the bottom of a pool.
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
Why did the blonde give up online shopping?
The trolley kept falling off the computer.
Why did the blond enter the tennis courts naked?
Because the sign said tennis shoes only.
Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.
A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before.
Each bought one.
The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”
“Why not?”
“I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
A blonde and a brunette were jumping off a building. Who jumped first? The brunette. The blonde had to ask for directions...
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
How many dumb blonde jokes are there? None they're all true stories.
Why can't the blonde write the number eleven? She didn't know which "1" came first!
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days? Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days?
Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
Why did the blonde put sugar on her bed? Because she wanted sweet dreams!
On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor.
He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
The blonde asked, “How am I supposed to know when I’m at 300 feet?”
“That’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you'll be able to recognize the faces of people on the ground.”
After pondering his answer, she asked, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”
This blonde was walking down a road carrying a bag, when a guy came along.
The guy asks, "What are you carrying?"
"Melons," the blonde replies.
"Cool," the guy says.
"If I can guess how many there are, can I have one of them?"
The blonde giggles and says, "If you can guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them."
How do you kill a blonde? Give her a gun and say it's a hair drier.
Why blondes can't make Koolaid? Because they can't get 2 quarts of water in that small koolaid envelope.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."