Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads.
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend.
There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? Because she got an "F" in se*.
Why do blondes wear hooped ear rings. So they have somewhere to put their feet when having se*.
Why did the blonde give up online shopping?
The trolley kept falling off the computer.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
Why did the blonde have square boobs? Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes.
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
Baseball Fan: Have you ever seen a line drive?
Blond Baseball Fan: No, but I have seen a baseball park.
How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? There is white out on the screen.
A blonde goes to a soda machine.
She puts in a dollar and gets a soda.
She does this again and again.
A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long.
She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? Perri-air.
How many dumb blonde jokes are there? None they're all true stories.
Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards
What goes: vroooom-schreech, vrooom-schreech, vroooom-schreech? A blonde at a flashing red light
Why do blondes take the pill? So they know what day of the week it is.
Two blonds were driving down the road.
The blond driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working.
So the blond looks out the window and says, "Yes. No. Yes. No."
How do you confuse a blond?
Tell them to count the stairs on a escalator.
Why did the blonde only tie one shoe? Because on the bottom it said "Taiwan" (Tie one)
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says:
"Doctor, what’s the problem with me?
When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts...
When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts...
When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!"
The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? Her IQ goes up!
Why did the blonde take a camera to bed? To record what she was going to dream that night.
What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt.
The doctor asked her what had happened.
She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake.
"Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?"
"The bastard called again."
What do you call a blonde holding a balloon? Siamese twins
Why do blondes wear ponytails? To hide the valve stem!
How do you drown a blonde? Tape a mirror to the bottom of a pool.
How many blonde jokes are there?
One. The rest are all true stories.
Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.
A blond meets up with a friend as she's picking up her car from the mechanic.
"Everything ok with your car now?"
"Yes, thank goodness," the blond replies.
"Weren't you worried the mechanic might try to rip you off?"
"Yeah, but he didn't. I was so relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid!"
“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blond to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
A Blond walks into a doctors office and says: "Doctor, what’s the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!" The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."
A blonde and a brunette were jumping off a building. Who jumped first? The brunette. The blonde had to ask for directions...
How do you drown a submarine full of blonds?
You knock on the door.
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.
What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave!
A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months, I'll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?"
"Could I start In three months?"
Why blondes can't make Koolaid? Because they can't get 2 quarts of water in that small koolaid envelope.
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.
Why did the blonde take a ruler to bed? Because she wanted to measure how long he slept.
What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool? Air Pockets What has 12 feet and an IQ of 40? A Blonde-tourage.
Two blondes fell down a hole.
One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see!"
Dustin and Jane (both blonds) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end.
The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?”
The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”
A blond gets in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing.
She calls the police and reports a theft.
When the police officer comes, he looks at the blond who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."
Did you hear about the blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on her!
On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor.
He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
The blonde asked, “How am I supposed to know when I’m at 300 feet?”
“That’s a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you'll be able to recognize the faces of people on the ground.”
After pondering his answer, she asked, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”
Doctor: "You look exhausted."
Blond: "I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it."
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
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