If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
A whale swims all day, mainly eats fish and drinks water, but is still fat.
A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.
And you tell me to exercise? I don't think so.
Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:
• I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
• My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
• I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
• Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
• Some days, you're the top dog; some days you're the hydrant.
• It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.
• If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?
• I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.
• Kids in the back-seat cause accidents.
• Accidents in the back-seat cause kids.
• It's not hard to meet expenses - they're everywhere.
• The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
• These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter - I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here, after".
• Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
• HAVE I SENT THIS MESSAGE TO YOU BEFORE???
This Joke Starts With an Elderly Couple At a Travel Agency
Two elderly people are spotted by a travel agent at his agency's window. He promptly invites them in and discusses sending them on a dream vacation...
These One Liners Will Put a Smile on Your Face, Guaranteed!
A collection of crazy and unexpectedly hilarious jokes.
Joke: Don't Drink and Jump
A man and a woman are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. The man soon makes a startling revelation...
Joke: Wedding Decisions
A bride and a groom are with a pastor finalizing details for their wedding day. The pastor asks them whether they want a traditional or contemporary wedding...
Hilarious: What is a Bird Looking For on a Rugby Field?
In this video, we're cracking jokes about disappearing balls, strange outfits, and dancing players.
Why Men Should NOT Be Allowed in the Kitchen!
A perfect example of why some men are useless in the kitchen
Hilarious: The Young vs. The Old on a Date!
Dating when you're 20 versus when you're middle-aged is similar, but also completely different...
Sweet Irony: Hilarious Photos of Ironic Situations!
Sometimes, the world just gives us some hilarious moments of perfect irony!
Classic Comedy: A Newly Graduated Dentist...
Laugh your socks off with this classic comedy sketch from the Carol Burnett Show. A hilarious scene from the dentist that will have you in stitches.
Funny Stand Up: Can't Argue With Wife Post Surgery!
Jim Gaffigan in a funny stand up video about arguing with his wife after her brain surgery.
I Can't Stop Laughing at These Funny Husbands
Check out these 12 examples of husbands and boyfriends being absolutely hilarious.
These Adorably Cute & Funny Comic Strips Are So Relatable!
Fowl Language Comics was created by Brian Gordon, who says he draws much inspiration from his struggles as a parent. Take a look at his hilarious illustrations!
The Wit of Mark Twain: Quotes that are Amusing and True
One of the most famous American writers, Twain was known for his wit and darker humor. To this day, his quotes are an inspiration.
These Are the Most Absurd DIY Projects We’ve Come Across
It’s nice to do DIY projects, but this is just ridiculous.
Hilarious: Some Translations are Too Funny to Correct!
When you're running a business in some far-off land, there's no excuse for not using Google Translate to make a sign. These disastrous results are hilarious!
Classic Comedy: About the Importance of Stuff
One of the funniest and smartest comedy routines in history!
Classic Comedy: Lucy and the Chocolate Factory
One of the most famous, and funniest, Lucy moments of all time!
This Video is Proof Farm Animals Are Just As Funny As Pets
Who said dogs and cats are the best or even cutest animal comedians? Definitely not these farm animals, each one funnier than the last!
These Images of Pets Returning from the Vet Are Hilarious!
Here is a collection of funny images of pets that have just returned from the vet, and their expressions say it all!
Some Languages Are Humorous, But English Is Hilarious!
If you're a sucker for a good, honest, rib-tickling pun, we've got more than 20 of them here for you to giggle away at!
These 15 Signs Are Beyond Funny!
Are you ready for your daily dose of laughs? We really hope you are, as this collection of 15 hilarious signs is beyond funny!
This Hilarious Sign is Gaining Notoriety Around the World...
The Indian Hills Community Center sign in Colorado, USA, has gained a worldwide following thanks to the hilarious puns it displays. Here are 30 of them.
20 Weird Pictures of Things That Happen Only In India
Things are a little different in India...
Classic Comedy: The Grammar Nazi
This comedy sketch begins with a standard business meeting, but the boss has a real problem with people's language...
Hilarious: The Funniest Memes This Christmas!
These hilarious Christmas memes will make your holiday season that much better.
Prank-A-Thon: The Funniest "Ouch!" Pranks
These are the best of ouch pranks for 2019 in one compilation video.
20 Chucklesome Road Signs Worth Stopping For
Someone in Colorado is putting hilariously punny road signs, and we can’t stop laughing!
This Simon's Cat Collection is All You Need for Smile Today!
Created by Simon Tofield in 2008, Simon's Cat is on a constant mission to get fed. Enjoy this hilarious collection of 16 of his most famous escapades.
When Teaching First Aid, Try to Avoid Having Mr. Bean There
A classic Mr. Bean sketch that always makes me laugh, is Mr. Bean's idea of first aid...
Hilarious These Silly Signs Made Me Laugh!
19 funny signs that were written on purpose to be hilarious and witty.
HILARIOUS: 14 Silly Signs That'll Make Your Day
Need a laugh? Check out these hilariously weird signs that make no sense.
Hilarious: Best of Terrible Strangers Pranks!
This prank compilation focuses on 'terrible people' and the weird things they do before you discover it's a prank!
The Silliest Construction Mistakes That'll Make You Laugh!
There was very little thought process behind these mistakes...
Hilarious Sketch: The Great Piano Concerto
This hilarious sketch by a classic comedy duo puts you in the middle of the worst execution of a concert imaginable.
Funny Photos: These Delivery Men Have an Odd Way of Working
We all enjoy getting a package in the mail, don't we? It's not always so straightforward though. These 20 delivery fails well have you laughing out loud.
Classic Comedy: Lucy Goes to Work at a Chocolate Factory
What happens when Lucy and Ethel go to work at a factory?
This Has Got to be the World's Funniest Orchestra!
This orchestra not only provides you with great music, but great laughs as well.
It's Impossible Not to Laugh At These Funny Signs!
Who doesn't love a funny sign? This collection will leave you grinning from ear to ear.
These Cat Tweets Will Give You Plenty to Laugh About!
Cats have been providing us with entertainment for as long as we have co-existed, and these cat tweets prove they’re still giving us plenty to laugh about!
WATCH: This Rude Act Shows the French Will Cook Anything
The last thing you’d expect from a Burlesque act is two French men and a set of frying pans. This video is too hilarious not to watch.
These Witty Signboards Will Make Certainly You Chuckle
Signboards that we see everyday are mostly forgettable. However, here is a collection of the wittiest signboards with some great messages.
These Mistranslations are Too Funny Not to Share
Enjoy this hilarious collection of ridiculousy bad translation fails.
These 24 Funny Wild Animals Know When to Say Cheese!
Wild animals are magnificent, sure. But they are also breathing souls with a real thirst for fun, play and humor. This ace contest celebrates their funny side.
15 Adorable Cats & Dogs Keeping Cool in the Heat
These adorable pets know how to stay cool when the weather gets warm.