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valentines Jokes

valentines Jokes and more.
Phone Puns
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
Divorce Puns
I asked my wife what she wanted for Valentine's Day and she told me she wanted a divorce.
I told her I wasn't planning on spending that much.
Meat Puns
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
Owl Puns
What did the owl’s valentine say?
You are hootiful.
Koala Puns
What did the koala write in his Valentine’s Day card to his girlfriend? “I love you-calyptus”.
Heart Puns
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
Love Puns
Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?
Yes, it is February 14th
What did the bowl of soup write on their Valentine?
I love you pho real.
Funny Love Quotes
"Oh, here's an idea: Let's make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine's Day. That's not weird at all." - Jimmy Fallon
"My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan."

- Leopold Fechner.
"My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan." — Leopold Fetchner
Valentines Day Puns
You're acute Valentine.
Cheesy Valentines Day Sayings
Happy Valentine's day.
Such a Lovely day.
Not to brag, but I already have a date for Valentines Day.
February 14th.
What's a pun's favorite love song?
"My Punny Valentine!"
What kind of dance do single people do on Valentine's Day?
The Independance!
What's the article of winter clothing most appropriate for Valentine's Day?
's mitten.
I got a valentine from a pickle today...
It meant a great dill to me.
I ordered the wrong kind of flowers online for Valentines Day.
Oops e-daisies.
Why does Valentine's Day never work in Africa?
All the lion cheetahs.
Happy Valentine's Day!
I hope your day starts off with a bang!
What did the arsonist do on Valentine's day?
He met his match.
I would talk about Valentine’s Day
But it looks like I missed my date.
What did one lightbulb say to the other lightbulb on Valentine’s Day?
I love you watts.
For Valentines Day, I decided to get my wife some beads for an abacus.
It’s the little things that count.
This Valentine's day, I decided to pay extra and buy flowers that look after themselves.
They are Self Raising.
What should you get Lassie, the star of the hit TV show, for Valentine's Day?
A cauliflower.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy
What did the mountain say to the hill on Valentine's day?
You make my heart gush, I lava you.
I bought my wife a matching belt and bag for Valentine's Day
She should have that vacuum up and running in no time.
My wife says she wants to order a glass of wine during our Valentine’s Day dinner.
She says she loves being carded.
Was a bit lonely by myself at home last night on Valentine's Day so I decided to make my own bread.
I was feeling quite kneady
I asked the older woman at work what she is doing for Valentine’s Day and she said that she was taking her husband to the Cardiologist. The heart wants what the heart wants.
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.
Strawberry Puns
Why didn't the unripe strawberry got any cards and chocolates for Valentine's Day? Because it was really sour.
The Valentine's Day Gift
It was a few days before Valentine's Day and a young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day! What do you think it means?" Her husband smiled. "Oh, I have a feeling you'll know later tonight." he said with a wink. His wife squealed with joy. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it... only to find a book titled "The meaning of dreams."
Corn Puns
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.
Flower Puns
What does a flower write on their valentine?
Aloe you vera much.
Cheese Puns
What did one cheese tell the other cheese on Valentine’s day?
Brie mine.
Funny Money Quotes
“The best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people” – Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy) Trading Places
Tree Puns
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
Ice Cream Puns
What did the ice cream cone write on his valentine card?
You make me melt.
Watermelon Puns
What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? – “You are one in a melon!”
Chocolate Puns
What was Valentine’s favorite dessert for the French cat?
Chocolate mousse
What is the best part of Valentine’s day?
The day after, when all the chocolate goes on sale.
Nuts Puns
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
Pun Puns
What's a pun's favorite love song?
"My Punny Valentine!"
One Liners and Short Jokes
Every Valentines Day, I bring a smile to my wife’s face.
By taking down the Christmas tree.
Peach Puns
On Valentine's Day, the peach said to his wife, "You will always have a peach of my heart!"
Medical Pick Up Lines
Hey babe, I want tibia your Valentine!
Apology Pick Up Lines
Sorry I didn’t get you any chocolates for valentines day...
But if you want something sweet,I’m right here