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hvad er dm Jokes

hvad er dm Jokes and more.
Peach Puns
Where do you store peach juice? Inside of a peach-er.
Penguin Puns
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers.
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers!
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice burg-ers.
Owl Puns
Why did the owl 'owl?
Because the Woodpecker would peck 'er.
Flamingo Puns
I wondered why flamingos were so strong, so I did a little research. Turns out they do a lot of eggs-er-cise.
Dog Puns
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
Soup Puns
Mum, you are my soup-er star.
One bowl of soup said to the other, "Hello Broth-er".
I am soup-er into the beautiful girl that I met yesterday at school.
If we cross lobster bisque and Elon Musk, what we have is a soup-er car
I was straining some old noodles but eventually, I chickened out. It was such a broth-er.
I am a huge fan of local cuisine, and cooking is my soup-er power!
The soup that my mom made for dinner healed my flu in a day. It was almost soup-er natural.
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.
Witch Puns
Witches are always wand-ering around…
Nurse Puns
A patient came to the ER with a rash. I told her it was an allergic reaction and that I'd prescribe her steroid cream. She asked me if she'd be discharged soon.

She was really itching to get out of here.
Vegetable Puns
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
Ski Puns
Skier in ER: Doc, I slipped on my way to the chairlift.
Doctor: Icy.
Funny Limericks
An extremely slim model, Miss Slater,
Was attacked by a croc and it ate 'er.
Said her trainer, Tough deal,
What a horrible meal,
We should throw it some greens and potater.
Soap Puns
My friend claims he works in a soap factory, adding a key ingredient to the process...
He's a lye-er.
Band Puns
Which heavy metal band is Santa's favourite?
Sleigh-er.
Corn Puns
How did the corn farmer get to be so successful?
He corn-ered the market!
Door-to-door Research
One day, while doing door-to-door market research, this guy knocks on a door and is greeted by a beautiful young housewife. He's inquiring about a particular petroleum jelly product to see how it's being used, and by whom. "Hello," he starts, "I'm doing some research for a petroleum jelly manufacturer. Have you ever used the product?" "Yes. My husband and I use it during intercourse," she answers. The researcher is stunned by the blunt reply but quickly regains his composure. "Um, er... I admire you for your honesty," he continues. "Can you tell me exactly how you use it?" "Sure, we put it on the doorknob so the kids can't get in."
Garden Puns
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
Toilet Puns
I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure
Ancient Rome Puns
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Silent But Deadly
There was once a very prim and proper older lady who had a problem with passing gas. Since she came from a generation when people didn't even talk about this kind of problem it took a long time for her to seek help. Finally, however, she was persuaded to consult her family doctor. After she filled out all the proper forms and had waited about 20 minutes in the waiting room the doctor called her into her office, leaned back in her chair, folded her hands into a steeple and asked her how she could help. "Doctor," she said, "I have a very bad gas problem. Yesterday afternoon I had lunch with the Secretary of State and his wife and had six, um, er, ahhh ... silent gas emissions. Last night I had dinner with the governor and his wife and had four silent gas emissions. Then, while sitting in your waiting room I had five silent gas emissions! Doctor, you've got to help me! What can we do?" "Well, Margaret" said the doctor, raising her voice, "I think the first thing we're going to do is to give you a hearing test."
Sibling Puns
SIBLING PUNS
Who’s the pimple’s favorite sibling?
His cyst-er.
One Liners for Kids
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.
A Cadilac With Everything
A few decades ago, a man and his wife were driving through the country on his way from New York to California. Looking at his fuel gauge, he decided to stop at the next gasoline station and fill it up. About 15 minutes later, he spots a Mobil station and pulls over to the high octane pump. "What can I do for y'all?" asks the attendant. "Fill 'er up with high test," replies the driver. While the attendant is filling up the tank, he's looking the car up and down. "What kinda car is this?" he asks. "I never seen one like it before." "Well," responds the driver, his chest swelling up with pride, "This, my boy is a 1999 Cadillac DeVille." "What features does it have?" asks the attendant. "Well," says the driver, "It has everything. It's loaded with power steering, power seats, power sun roof, power mirrors, AM/FM radio with a 10 deck CD player in the trunk with 100 watts per channel, 8 speaker stereo, rack and pinion steering, disk brakes all around, leather interior, digital instrument package, and best of all, an 8.8 liter V12 engine." "Wow," says the attendant, "That's really something!" "How much do I owe you for the gasoline?" asks the driver. "That'll be $30.17," says the attendant. The driver pulls out his money clip and peels off a $20 and a $10. He goes into his other pocket and pulls out a handful of change. Mixed up with the change are a few golf tees. "What are those little wooden things?" asks the attendant. "That's what I put my balls on when I drive," says the driver. "Wow," says the attendant, "Those Cadillac people think of everything!"
Dragon Jokes
A man and his wife are playing Dungeons and Dragons together...
During the man's turn, he rolls his D20 and rolls a 1. Simultaneously, he stubs his toe against the table leg so hard that his toe essentially falls off. Blood everywhere. The wife has to rush them both to the ER.

She's waiting.

She's waiting...

The doctor emerges, and the wife rushes over. "How is my husband? What's his condition?"

The doctor replies: "Critical, miss."
Name Pick Up Lines
Wanna go out sometime? I’d consider it an Er-win if you said yes.
Funny Tongue Twisters
Where do you store peach juice? Inside of a peach-er.
Spring Puns
What dog particularly enjoys the sight of flowers on the ground? A spring-er spaniel.
Deer Puns
Q. What do you get if you cross a deer with an Aussie Joey?
A. A buck-er-roo.
Cat Puns
What is a cat’s favorite kitchen tool? The whisk-er.
The Lonesome Stranger
Ned decided to go golfing in Scotland with his buddy, Carl, so they loaded up Ned's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard, so they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door, if they could spend the night. "I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed." she explained. "And I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house." "Don't worry." Ned said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn and if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. About 2 years later, Ned got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the golf weekend. He dropped in on his friend Carl and asked, "Carl, that night at the barn, in that farm we stayed at on our golf holiday in Scotland about 2 years ago, do you remember it?" "Sure I do." said Carl. "Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night and pay the widow a visit at the house?" "Well, um, yes..." Carl said, a little embarrassed about being found out, "I have to admit that I did." "And did you happen to give her a false name?" Carl's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm really sorry, buddy. I panicked a bit and gave her your name, actually. Why do you ask?" "Because I'm rich. She just died and left me everything."