Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.