Wood Jokes

Are you a termite? Because you're going to have a mouth full of wood.
His Excellent Memory Three old men are discussing their failing memories. The first old man says, "Today I was at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember if I had just gone up or was about to go down." The second old man says, "I was sitting at the edge of my bed and I couldn't remember if I was about to sleep or just woke up." The third man scoffs and says, "My memory is as good as ever, knock on wood." With this he hits the table twice with his knuckle, looks up in surprise and yells "Who's there?"
How did the police find all the missing wood from the lumber yard?
It was chipped.
A lion would never play golf.
But a Tiger Wood.
This cello isn't the only big wood between my legs.
Are sasquatches superstitious?
Yes, they always knock on wood!
The reason orange juice doesn’t slide well on hard wood floors is Because of pulp friction.
Good thing that's not a wood detector, 'cause you'd keep me here all night.
What is a naughty beavers' favorite type of wood ever? Knotty pine.
Do you know what a beavers' favorite snack is? Wood chips.
Are you dressed up as a tree? Cause you’re giving me wood.
Are you dressed up as a tree? Cause you’re giving me wood.
It's pretty cold outside. How about we start a bonfire? I'll bring the wood.
Wanna see my norwegian wood?
Girl, you must be a Beatles song, because look at this Long, Long, Long Norwgian Wood.
Is that my golf bag in your pants? Because I just finished a long drive, and I'd like to put my wood in it.
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