Wood

WOOD you tell give some wood puns?
Did you hear the joke about the lumberjack, The sheep and the goat?
I wood tell ewe, but it’s a baaaaaad joke
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
If trees could kill you, they wood.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
Are you a termite? Cause you're about to have a mouth full of wood.
What's green and pecks on trees?
Woody Wood Pickle.
A lion would never cheat on its wife.
But a Tiger wood.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
His Excellent Memory
His Excellent Memory Three old men are discussing their failing memories. The first old man says, "Today I was at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember if I had just gone up or was about to go down." The second old man says, "I was sitting at the edge of my bed and I couldn't remember if I was about to sleep or just woke up." The third man scoffs and says, "My memory is as good as ever, knock on wood." With this he hits the table twice with his knuckle, looks up in surprise and yells "Who's there?"
I wood never leaf you.
I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
"I wood never leaf you."
What’s green and pecks on trees?
Woody the Wood Pickle.