Wood Jokes

A lion would never play golf.
But a Tiger Wood.
His Excellent Memory Three old men are discussing their failing memories. The first old man says, "Today I was at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember if I had just gone up or was about to go down." The second old man says, "I was sitting at the edge of my bed and I couldn't remember if I was about to sleep or just woke up." The third man scoffs and says, "My memory is as good as ever, knock on wood." With this he hits the table twice with his knuckle, looks up in surprise and yells "Who's there?"
Are sasquatches superstitious?
Yes, they always knock on wood!
The reason orange juice doesn’t slide well on hard wood floors is Because of pulp friction.
Wanna see my norwegian wood?
Girl, you must be a Beatles song, because look at this Long, Long, Long Norwgian Wood.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
WOOD you tell give some wood puns?
I wood never leaf you.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
Are you dressed up as a tree? Cause you’re giving me wood.
What is a naughty beavers' favorite type of wood ever? Knotty pine.
Do you know what a beavers' favorite snack is? Wood chips.
How did the police find all the missing wood from the lumber yard?
It was chipped.
The other day a tree asked for my help with kindling a grass route movement.
I said I wood because it's got a lot growing for it.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
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