Wearing Jokes

How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
“Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.”

- Buddy Hackett.
The Mistress, the Fiancé and the Wife... Three women: one engaged, one married and one a mistress, were chatting about their relationships and decided they needed to spice up their love lives. All three agreed to wear black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes that evening with their respective lovers. After a few days, they met up for lunch and compared notes. The engaged woman: "The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and, a mask. He saw me and said: 'You are the woman of my life. I love you.' Then we made love all night long." The mistress: "Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn't say a word, but we had wild fun all night!" The married woman said: "I sent the kids to stay at my mother's house for the night when my husband came home. I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said: 'What's for dinner, Batman?'"
Are you wearing space pants? Because your a** is out of this world.
Wearing heels almost makes you the same size as other people on the face of earth.
I'm glad you are wearing non-slip shoes because if you come home with me it's gonna get real wet.
Forget the wearing of green — let’s go right to the wearing of you like a hat!
I'm not wearing any socks. And I have the panties to match.
Those pants you're wearing are creating some capital growth if you know what I mean.
My magic watch tells me you're not wearing any underwear.
You are? The thing must be an hour fast again.
I'm wearing green, you're wearing green, we have so much in common we should go out sometime.
Guess what I’m wearing? The smile you gave me!
What is it like to get paid smoldering at the camera while wearing expensive clothes?
What do you call a deer wearing an explosive vest?
Bombi.
Roses are red, I’m not wearing a suit,
Carrots are not vegetables, they are actually fruit.
When you come across oranges wearing suntan lotion, don’t judge them harshly. They do so in order not to peel.
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