Tonight Jokes

Starlight, Starbright, why donโ€™t you come home with me tonight!
The expiration date says "best if used by tonight." Can I make you dinner?
I should have dressed up as a ghost tonight so I could let you under my sheets.
You can take me home tonight, but only if Yuletide-y up your place.
Do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight.
How to Turn Tomatoes Red A womanโ€™s garden is growing beautifully but the tomatoes wonโ€™t ripen. She goes to her neighbor and says, โ€Your tomatoes are ripe, mine are green. What can I do about it?โ€ The man replies, โ€Well, it may sound absurd but hereโ€™s what to do. Tonight thereโ€™s no moon. After dark go out into your garden and take all your clothes off. Tomatoes can see in the dark and theyโ€™ll be embarrassed and blush. In the morning theyโ€™ll all be red, youโ€™ll see.โ€ She says to herself "Well, what the heck it canโ€™t hurt to try it." Next day her neighbor asks how it worked. โ€œSo so,โ€ she answers. โ€œThe tomatoes are still green but the cucumbers are all four inches longer.โ€
You are more beautiful then all the fireworks tonight.
Tonight I will be exercising my freedom of assemblyโ€ฆ outside your bedroom window.
On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight?
Would you like to come to my quarters tonight for some toast?
You must be the iceberg from Titanic and I'm the ship because tonight we're gonna smash.
Did Spotify fix their mistakes? Because you will no longer be the hottest single after you spend time with me tonight.
This headlamp isnโ€™t the only thing getting turned on tonight.
Are you a lion of the sea? Because Iโ€™m sure, Iโ€™ll see you in my bed tonight, lion.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said โ€œmummy, youโ€™ve peeโ€™d on the floorโ€

Needless to say I was in stitches.
Are you lonesome tonight? I can't help falling in love with you.
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