Meeting Jokes

A bunch of vampire hunters needed to talk
So they scheduled a stakeholders meeting.
Don’t wait on me to start the meeting. I might be a hare late.
What did hear about the two bats meeting?
It was love at first bite!
Did you hear about the two bats meeting? It was love at first bite!
Baby, meeting you was better than an NHL lockout ending.
What did the oranges do after concluding the meeting?
They peeled the deal.
What did the boss say to his pizza during their meeting?
There’s mushroom for improvement.
When the rainbow decided to speak out at the meeting of all weathers, someone said 'Look hue's talking.'
Insane Timing A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting. Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence. Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?" The patient calls back, "One moment!" and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter's level, assures himself that the stick is vertical. With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick. Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, "It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is." The man can't help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly. Before he leaves, he says to the patient, "That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?" The patient shrugs and says, "I suppose I'd just look at my watch."
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
“A party without a cake is really just a meeting.”
― Julia Child
At a meeting, Mr. Tomato asked Mr. Peach, "Can you give me the peach cobbler's number, I need to mend my shoes".
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
What's with this Daylight Savings Time?
It steals our sleeping, snoozing time
Roll out of bed and take a breath
And feel like microwaved-reheated death

Seven o'clock? That just can't be
It's way too dark out there to see
Coffee? Yes, I need two cups
To get my sluggish body up

And hit the road before the sun
For Monday's way-too-early "fun"
It's lunchtime? HUH? I just GOT here!
My head is just now barely clear

Afternoon meeting? How can that be?
I thought it was one...HOW IS IT THREE???
The end of day has almost come
The day flew's almost done!

Five o'clock, well that's just fine!
I LIKE this daylight Savings Time!

(By Rick W. Cotton)
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