Shave Jokes

A few decades ago, a man walked into a barber shop and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine, please." As it was in those days, the barber lathers his face and sharpens the straight edge. However, instead of the usual child or assistant, a gorgeous woman kneels down and shines his shoes for him. The man said, "Hi there sweetheart. You know, you're pretty gorgeous." "Why thank you." said the woman and flashed him a smile. "How about, after my shave, we both get out of here and go to my hotel room?" asks the excited young man. "I don't think my husband would like that." she replied. "Oh, nonsense! Tell him you're working overtime, and I'll pay you the difference!" Smirks the customer. "You tell him." She says, smiling, "He's the one shaving you."

A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself. As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, "what's the matter?" The fellow replies, "well I've got these two horses (sniff, sniff), and well... I can't tell them apart. I don't know if I'm mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods." The bartender, feeling sorry for the guy, tries to think of something he can do. "Why don't you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?" The man stops crying and says, "that sounds like a good idea, I think I'll try it." A few months later he comes back to the bar in worse condition than he was before. "What's the matter now?" the bartender asks. The fellow, in no condition to be in public, answers, "I shaved the tail of one of the horses (sob, sob), but it grew back and I can't tell them apart again!" The bartender, now just wanting him to shut up or leave says, "why don't you try shaving the mane, maybe that will not grow back." The fellow stops crying, has a few drinks, and leaves. A few months later the fellow is back in the bar. The bartender has never seen anybody in this sorry of a state. Without the bartender even asking the fellow breaks into his problems. "I.. I shaved the (sob) mane of one of the (sniff) horses, and... it... it... grew back!" The bartender, now furious at the guy's general stupidity, yells, "for crying out loud, just measure the stupid horses. Perhaps one is slightly taller than the other one!" The fellow cannot believe what the bartender has said and storms out of the bar. The next day the fellow comes running back into the bar as if he had just won the lottery. "It worked, it worked!" he exclaims. "I measured the horses and the black one is two inches taller than the white one!"