Talking

My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
I Swear, He Can Talk!
I Swear, He Can Talk! A man and his dog walk into a talent agents office. "All right, lets make this quick i have things to do, what's your talent?" asks the agent. The man says, "Its not me sir, its my dog -- he talks!" "Yeah, right," says the agent. "I don't have time for this, now get out of here before I throw you out." "No, wait," says the man. "I'll prove it." He turns to the dog and asks, "What do you normally find on top of a house?" "Roof!" says the dog, wagging his tail. "Listen, pal..." says the agent. "Wait," says the man, "I'll ask another question." He turns to the dog again and asks, "How does sandpaper feel?" "Rough!" exclaims the dog. "Quit wasting my time and get out of here," says the agent. "One more chance," pleads the man. Turning to the dog again, he asks, "Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player that ever lived?" "Ruth!" barked the dog. "Okay, that's it!" says the agent, and forces the man and the dog out the door. Turning to the man, the dogs sighs and says: "Maybe I should have said Joe Dimaggio?"
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
Why was the blonde woman talking into an envelope? She was trying to send a voicemail!
Why do men have 2 heads and women 4 lips? Cause men do all the thinking and women do all the talking.
A man gives his wife an expensive bottle of wine for her birthday. After a few glasses the wife blurts out, “I love you”.
The husband responds: “Is that you or the wine talking?”

Wife: “This is me, talking to the wine”.
The Young Colonoscopy Patient
The Young Colonoscopy Patient A young man decides it's better be safe than sorry and decides to take an early colonoscopy exam. As he lay on his side on the table, the doctor got ready to do the examination. As the doctor was going in, he looked at the young patient, smiled and said, "Don't worry, it's normal to get an erection." The patient, embarrassed, stated earnestly, "But I haven't got an erection." "I was talking about mine."
Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent!
Please shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.
What's more amazing than a talking turkey? A spelling bee!
A Russian man goes to the secret police and says, “My talking parrot disappeared.”

“Why did you come here? Go to the regular police.”

“I will. I’m just here to tell you that I disagree with whatever that parrot is going to say.”
I was talking to a barn owl last night, when I mentioned that I'd just got engaged.
He said, "You twit! To who?"
What's more amazing than a talking bat? A spelling bee!
“If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.”
Ann Landers