Talking Jokes

Big Foot has been spotted throwing tantrums and talking back to his parents.
No wonder they call him the Sassquatch.
What do you get if you cross a talking parrot with a gorilla?
I am not sure but if he says something you better damn well listen.
“The only thing I like better than talking about food is eating.”
— John Walters
“I think being a good father is keeping the mother happy so she doesn’t drive the kids crazy.”

- James, ‘Look Who’s Talking.’
“No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I’m not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.”

- Bill Cosby.
Seagulls talking
what's the matter?
fussy squawking
seagulls talking...
Waddle walking
pavement patter-
Seagulls talking
what's the matter?

Birds discussing
“Took my breadcrumb!”
Angry fussing
birds discussing
seagull cussing
“Hey, I want some!”
birds discussing
“Took my breadcrumb!”

(Rhona McFerran)
What is the only animal smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee!
If I had a talking parrot, the first thing I would teach it to say is "Help, they've turned me into a parrot!"
Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you.
If, instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
What do you call a talking kangaroo?
A quantum leap.
Two skeletons are talking in a bar.
Skeleton 1: "Are you going to the funeral tomorrow?"
Skeleton 2: “Of corpse I am.”
The Young Colonoscopy Patient
The Young Colonoscopy Patient A young man decides it's better be safe than sorry and decides to take an early colonoscopy exam. As he lay on his side on the table, the doctor got ready to do the examination. As the doctor was going in, he looked at the young patient, smiled and said, "Don't worry, it's normal to get an erection." The patient, embarrassed, stated earnestly, "But I haven't got an erection!" "I was talking about mine."
Are you talking about your aunt on your mom's side, or...
Deodorant?
I was talking to my Mom the other day and she mentioned that none of her sisters needed the vaccine.
Turned out they already had the auntybodies.
“If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.” — Sam Levenson
I Swear, He Can Talk!
I Swear, He Can Talk! A man and his dog walk into a talent agents office. "All right, lets make this quick, I have things to do. Says the bored agent. "What's your talent?" The man says, "Its not me sir, its my dog -- he talks!" "Yeah, right," says the agent. "I don't have time for this, now get out of here before I throw you out." "No, wait," says the man. "I'll prove it." He turns to the dog and asks, "What do you normally find on top of a house?" "Roof!" says the dog, wagging his tail. "Listen, pal..." says the agent. "Wait," says the man, "I'll ask another question." He turns to the dog again and asks, "How does sandpaper feel?" "Rough!" exclaims the dog. "Quit wasting my time and get out of here." sighs the agent. "One more chance," pleads the man. Turning to the dog again, he asks, "Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player that ever lived?" "Ruth!" barked the dog. The man turns to the agent with a bright smile. "Okay, that's it!" says the agent. He gets up and forces the man and the dog out the door. Turning to the man, the dogs sighs and says: "Joe Dimaggio?"
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