Straight Jokes

"Bury me next to a straight man."
I went to the butcher's the other day and asked them, how do you prepare your turkey for Thanksgiving?
They said that they just tell them straight out that you're gonna die.
Look straight into my eyes. Hold in, let me get a step ladder.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
I saw a road sign the other day that said "Dip In Road"
I turned the corner and drove straight into a load of hummus
I endured burnt offerings at the table -
A meal ‘cooked’ by my mother in law
If I hadn’t been married her lovely son
I’d have walked straight out of the door!

I heaved at every charred mouthful
Smiled, and said the meal was ‘divine’
She told me she’d had cookery lessons
But her food was only fit to feed swine!

Is my poem just a fairy story
Or is it a clever allegory?

(Laura Loo)
My drives aren't always long and straight... but I can show you what is!
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
Salami get this straight, you've stolen my heart.
How about we skip the hors d oeuvres and head straight for the digestif?
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
Let's skip the Netflix on the sofa and go straight to chill in my bed.
Do We Know Each Other? Two men are standing at the urinal, doing their business, when one starts to strike up a conversation. "Excuse me, sir, do you happen to be Jewish?" "Yes, indeed I am." "And do you happen to be from Krakow?" "Yes, how do you know?" "And you always went to the little synagogue in the Pitliwsky road? "Yes, do we know each other?" "No, but Rabbi Goldberg was responsible for the Bris there, and he was infamous for not being able to make a straight cut." "What does that have to do with anything?" "You're peeing on my shoes."
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
You are so good at jogging, you came straight for my heart.
Babe, all the trail leads straight to you.
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