State

Could you tell me the oxidation state of this atom and your phone number?
Which state of America has lots of cats and dogs? Petsylvania
What is a cat’s favorite state of America? Connecti-cat.
Whats the difference between the Florida State football team and a Florida State cheerleader? They both suck for four quarters.
How do you make Ohio State University cookies? Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
There once was a fellow named Abe
And today is the day he was slayed
John Wilkes Booth took his life
As he sat with his wife
Who was visibly shocked and dismayed

In Kentucky Abe Lincoln was born
A State that would later be torn
When a war was declared
And a nation prepared
For a lot of dead soldiers to mourn

He moved the Hoosier State
Where they always have corn on their plate
In the law he was trained
Much respect he attained
Winning many a rousing debate

In The Senate he later would serve
With copious gusto and verve
Then The White House he sought
Which he won by a lot
But many down south were unnerved

As President, Lincoln decided
That the law of the land was misguided
And that slaves should be freed
But the south disagreed
And the country was badly divided

What ensued was a horrible war
Full of death and destruction galore
The battles were heated
The south was defeated
But one aimed to settle the score

Now one hundred and forty-nine years
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
Not to brag, but I beat the state chess champion in less than 5 moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.