Sleeping

What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
The Rabbi's Wife
The Rabbi's Wife At Friday night services, Morris went to his friend Irving and said, "I need a favor. I'm sleeping with the Rabbi's wife. Can you hold him in synagogue for an hour after services for me?" Irving was not very fond of the idea, but being Morris' lifelong friend, he reluctantly agreed. After services, he struck up a conversation with the Rabbi, asking him all sorts of stupid questions - just to keep him occupied. After some time the wise Rabbi became suspicious and asked, "Irving what are you really up to?" Irving, filled with feelings of guilt and remorse confessed to the Rabbi, "I'm sorry, Rabbi. My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied." The Rabbi smiled, put a brotherly hand on Irving's shoulder and said, "You'd better hurry home, Irving. My wife died two years ago."
“Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.”
Dave Barry
“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.”
Dalai Lama
An insomniac young fellow named Hatches
Took a room in a whorehouse in Natchez
He still tossed and turned
half the night, but he learned
How to manage by sleeping in snatches.
What's the most common sleeping position of a man? Around. What does a penis and an ego have in common? All men have one!
Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk past the pill cupboard quietly?
So she wouldn’t wake the sleeping pills.
Sleeping is so easy
I can do it with my eyes closed.
Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
Who wears red and brings catnip to sleeping kittens? Santa Claws!
Yo Mama so short she uses a sock for a sleeping bag.
What's with this Daylight Savings Time?
It steals our sleeping, snoozing time
Roll out of bed and take a breath
And feel like microwaved-reheated death

Seven o'clock? That just can't be
It's way too dark out there to see
Coffee? Yes, I need two cups
To get my sluggish body up

And hit the road before the sun
For Monday's way-too-early "fun"
It's lunchtime? HUH? I just GOT here!
My head is just now barely clear

Afternoon meeting? How can that be?
I thought it was one...HOW IS IT THREE???
The end of day has almost come
The day flew by...it's almost done!

Five o'clock, well that's just fine!
I LIKE this daylight Savings Time!

(By Rick W. Cotton)
What do you call a sleeping pizza?
A piZZZZZZa.