Sleeping Jokes

What do you call a sleeping werewolf?
An unaware-wolf.
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
Have trouble sleeping on trains? [No] You will when we travel together.
If you were even half as gorgeous as me, I'd consider sleeping with you.
The Senior and the Call Girl A 70-year-old man goes to a hotel. He sits at the bar alone, when a gorgeous woman approaches him, whispers she's a prostitute and would he like a good time? The old man, a widower for many years, agrees and they go up to her room, strip down and climb into bed. The old man performs like a teenager, the woman is amazed at how energetic and agile he is, she tells him if he can do it like that again, she'll give him one for free. He says "Yeah, I can, but I need to take a 20-minute nap, and while I'm asleep, I need you to hold my old pecker." She agrees, he wakes up 20 minutes later and goes at it again, just as vigorously as before. The girl is amazed at the old man's stamina, and repeats her freebie offer, the old man tells her that once again, he'll need a 20-minute nap and she'll have to hold his dick while he's asleep. She does as he asks, and he wakes up 20 minutes later and he goes at it again, with even more enthusiasm than previously. The hooker catches her breath, and needing to satisfy her curiosity, asks the old man "I can understand why you need the nap, but why do you need me to hold your 'Johnson' while you're sleeping?" The old man replies "Oh, that's just so you don't steal my wallet."
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
“When gorillas are sleeping, you can hide a bunch of raisins in their fur, and then they’ll have an exciting treat the next day."
- Guy Endore Kaiser
When my cat sleeps, he snoozes
Inside the laundry basket,
Or on top of a tree,
Crammed inside a shelf,
Where no-one can see.
In empty shopping bags,
And cartons made of cardboard,
On piles of books and newspapers,
And suitcases that are stored.
Curled up under furniture,
In places we’d never think to look.
Or nestled behind a flower pot,
In a hard to find nook.
Since my cat sleeps for at least sixteen hours each day
He must be bored of sleeping in the same old way!

(Santhini Govindan)
You are the moon of my life. I want to look at you every night before sleeping.
What does Bigfoot say when he sees campers in sleeping bags?
- Yum, Hot Pockets!
What do you call a sleeping paper towel?
A napkin.
Why did the little boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
Because he heard there were sleeping pills in there.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
Why did Frankenstein tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
He didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills!
Which monster did the three bears catch sleeping?
The Rabbi's Wife At Friday night services, Morris went to his friend Irving and said, "I need a favor. I'm sleeping with the Rabbi's wife. Can you hold him in synagogue for an hour after services for me?" Irving was not very fond of the idea, but being Morris' lifelong friend, he reluctantly agreed. After services, he struck up a conversation with the Rabbi, asking him all sorts of stupid questions - just to keep him occupied. After some time the wise Rabbi became suspicious and asked, "Irving what are you really up to?" Irving, filled with feelings of guilt and remorse confessed to the Rabbi, "I'm sorry, Rabbi. My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied." The Rabbi smiled, put a brotherly hand on Irving's shoulder and said, "You'd better hurry home, Irving. My wife died two years ago."
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