Rings Jokes

Any proof that Saturn married more than once? Well, he do has a lot of rings.
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
Shopping for Underwear A man walks up to the counter. "Two pairs of underwear please." The man behind the counter looks at him in disbelief. "Only two pairs of underwear?" "Yup. I wear one while the other is in the wash." The man behind the counter looks at him in disgust, then rings out his order. A second man walks in. "5 pairs of underwear please." "Only 5 eh?" "Yeah, I wear one for every weekday, then go commando all the weekend." The man behind the counter shakes his head. "Well, you're better then the last guy!" A third man walks in. "7 pairs of underwear please." "Finally, a man who knows hygiene!" "Yes, I do try. One for every day, and I do my laundry on Sunday." At the end of the day, a fourth man walks into the underwear store. "12 pairs of underwear please." "Wow! You must be really clean!" The man smiles. "Yup, that's me! Err, hang on, let me see if I counted right. January, February, March, April..."
The phone rings, and a crow picks it only to find out it’s for her husband. She then says: "Hey John, you have a phone caw."
Why did the Lord of the Rings author get kicked out of the movie theatre.
He was Tolkien all the way through.
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
Why does Mr. Potato need a cell phone? Incase Mr. Onion Rings.
What do you call a skeleton who rings the doorbell?
A dead ringer.
A blond rings up an airline. She asks, "How long are your flights from America to England?" The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute..." The blond says, "Thanks!" and hangs up the phone.
Why do blondes wear hooped ear rings. So they have somewhere to put their feet when having se*.
A Telling Phone Call A woman meets with her lover, who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They make love for hours. Afterwards, as they lie in bed, the phone suddenly rings. Since it's the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation: "Hello? Oh, hi..." "I'm so glad that you called..." "Really?" "That's wonderful..." "Well, I'm happy to hear you're having such a great time..." "Oh, that sounds terrific.. Love you too." "OK. Bye-bye." She hangs up the phone and her lover asks, "Who was THAT?" "Oh," she replies, "That was just my husband telling me about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."
There are 3 rings in a failed marriage: engagement ring, wedding ring...
And suffering...
We're donion rings.
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